The Fuzzy End of the Lollipop

The Fuzzy End of the Lollipop: Chapter Seventeen

Sally woke up with a fire in the back of her skull. She tried to swallow but the tubes connecting her ears and nose were tangled into a tight knot. Water, she needed water, but that meant standing up. Slowly, she lifted her torso from the bed, but before her feet hit the ground her stomach lurched and she was forced to retreat into her pillow.

Taking a deep breath, she swallowed everything she had consumed the night before and raised herself into a sitting position. The floorboards swayed back and forth as she edged herself towards the bathroom until she turned on the tap and shoved her chapped lips underneath the cold water. Her throat pumped up and down, taking in as much of the clear liquid as possible before whipping her mouth and shuffling back to bed.

As she lay back down, flashbacks began to flit in and out of her consciousness. Maya's face as she left the party, the sound of that idiot boy's laughter. Why, why, why? thought Sally, but last night's memories stayed with her, spinning behind her eyelids until they were all she could see. She had sworn at Maya, she had told her she was boring, what was wrong with her? Why had she done it? It had not been for that stupid guy that's for sure; it must have been the drugs. That stupid, stupid drug. How much did she take anyway? Five maybe six lines, god what was wrong with her? And Maya, she had tried to help her, she had always tried to help her, but Sally had pushed her away, literally pushed her away.

As her memories replayed around her, her imaginings started to intertwine around them. Angry hands clawed at her wrists, a knife sliced along her thighs, a fist pounded her face, slapped it and smashed it against a table. You're so stupid! You're so stupid! You're so stupid! Repeated Sally, as the violent images consume her. They were far better than Maya's disgust but no matter how hard she tried, Maya's face always swung back into centre gaze. How could she have been too stupid? She had been so close to having the life she wanted.
Desperately, Sally grabbed her phone and dialled home.

"Hi," Sally whispered down the phone, praying whoever had answered could absolve her from her sins.

"Hello Sally," replied her dad, "How's it going?" Sally could not speak; the words were stuck in her throat.

"Sally," repeated her dad. "Are you alright? What happened?"

This was not the first time she had called her dad in tears and she knew he would be expecting the worst but no matter how hard she willed the words out, they never came. Instead, unabashed sobs rolled down the receiver, building up momentum until her chest heaved. Her dad did not interrupt her; he let her sob into the phone until her tears finally subsided and her breathing became normal again. For a moment there was silence.

Sally checked to see if the phone had been disconnected. "Hello," she said but there was no answer. Anger rose within her. Of course, he would not say anything, why had she even bothered? His words had never been there for her, why should this time be any different. She wanted to scream, to catch the next train and hit him but instead, she hung up the phone and buried herself under her duvet.

By the time she opened her eyes again, it was dark. She reached for her phone and began typing out a long and arduous message to Maya but when she came to send it, her phone wouldn't let her. She must have blocked me, thought Sally as she dug her fingernails into her forehead. Her heart hammered against her rib cage. Again she needed to speak to someone, someone who would relieve some of her pain but who could she call? Quickly, she scrolled through her contact list and taped Clyde's name. The call connected straight away.

"Hey Clyde," Sally sang, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Hey."

"Have you heard from Maya? I am trying to get hold of her but I can't."