Heart on the Rocks: Rebel Souls MC #4

Brenda 2.0

It had been a week since I'd watched Tank ride off down the road, leaving me standing in the dust his motorcycle had kicked up. A week of me pining after him. It seemed like he'd changed tactics. And all I wanted to do was have him chase me some more.

But that was messed up. Because I knew it would only lead to me pushing him away.

"Seriously," Carrie said. "What's holding you back?"

"I'd been having this conversation with the pride every day for the past week. They hadn't let me behind the bar. Boomer, the latest prospect, the one who'd killed Joey. He was actually a pretty good bartender. I never let anybody behind my bar except Barbara, but he passed the test.

"I don't know," I answered Carrie seriously. I really didn't.

"Do you want him?" Rachel asked. She was holding storm in her arms, rocking him. She'd just fed him and he was a little fussy. I couldn't believe he was coming up on one year old. He was ten months now or something. Time was flying. Charlie was ready to pop any day now. Carrie, as far as I knew, still wasn't pregnant, but her and bender seemed ridiculously in love and happy either way.

"I do," I said biting my lip finally answering Rachel.

"We knew that," Liza said. Charlie snorted in agreement with her. Megan was the only one who was quiet and I'd never been more thankful for her submissive nature.

"So what's stopping you?" Carrie asked.

I felt like she was the only one I could relate to. She'd dug her heels in and fought her feelings for Bender for longer than he'd wanted too. Looking at them now, you'd never know it. Out of all the brothers that had old ladies now, he seemed the most in love. Obviously they all loved their women, but Bender had this look in his eyes whenever he looked at her, like she was the only thing in the world he could see.

I wanted Tank to look at me like that.

Something told me he did. I was just too blind to see it.

"What aren't you telling us?" Charlie asked this time. She winced and I knew the baby had kicked her in the ribs.

I took a deep breath. Even these girls, the ones I considered my closest friend didn't know about my mom. I'd never told them. Never wanted to. I didn't want their pity either.

"My mom is sick," I said, biting the bullet and finally admitting it to them. "She's got MS." None of them knew what to say. "She can't walk; she can barely speak." My eyes were tearing as I told them. Liza was sitting next to me and wrapped her arm around me.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Rachel asked.

"I didn't want you all to look at me the way you're looking at me right now. Like you pity me."

'It's not pity," Carrie said quickly. "It's not the same, but that's why I never tell people about my PCOS. I don't want them to look at me any differently. But it's not pity. It's concern from your friends. We love you and you don't have to go through anything alone, especially the hard stuff."

"I still don't understand how that makes you not want Tank?" Megan asked.

"I told him I couldn't take care of anyone else. I take care of myself and the club and my sister and my mom. I can't add an old man to the list. I sleep four hours a night most nights, if I'm lucky. There's no room left for anyone else."

"But he doesn't want you to take care of him," Charlie said quickly. I already knew what she was going to say. She was going to say the same thing that he said to me. "He wants to take care of you."