Warriors || Leo Valdez [2]

8

The wine dude isn't here boss and boss

Blackjack said, no matter how many times Alex told him not to call her boss, he didn't listen. But she liked the pegasus, he was funny and always wanted donuts, she could relate to him that way. 

"You're right," Percy said. "No sign of the wine dude."

"I beg your pardon?" said a voice from the fields.

The wheat parted, and a man stepped into view. He wore a wide-brimmed hat wreathed in grapevines, a purple short-sleeved shirt, khaki shorts, and Birkenstocks with white socks. He looked maybe thirty, with a slight potbelly, like a frat boy who hadn't yet realised college was over.

"Did someone just call me the wine dude?" he asked in a lazy drawl. "It's Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don't-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus."
Percy urged Blackjack forward, though the pegasus didn't seem happy about it.

"You look different," Percy told the god. "Skinnier. Your hair is longer. And your shirt isn't so loud."

The wine god squinted up at him. "What in blazes are you talking about? Who are you, and where is Ceres?"

"Uh... what series?" Alex asked.

"I think he means Ceres," Jason said. "The goddess of agriculture. You'd call her Demeter." He nodded respectfully to the god. "Lord Bacchus, do you remember me? I helped you with that missing leopard in Sonoma."

Bacchus scratched his stubbly chin. "Ah... yes. John Green."

"Jason Grace."

"Whatever," the god said. "Did Ceres send you, then?"

"No, Lord Bacchus," Jason said. "Were you expecting to meet her here?"

The god snorted. "Well, I didn't come to Kansas to party, my boy. Ceres asked me here for a council of war. What with Gaea rising, the crops are withering. Droughts are spreading. The karpoi are in revolt. Even my grapes aren't safe. Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war."

"The plant war," Percy said, Alex nudged him from behind. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?"

The god narrowed his eyes. "Have we met?"

"At Camp Half-Blood," Percy said, "I know you as Mr. D-Dionysus, or my friend's dad"

"Agh!" Bacchus winced and pressed his hands to his temples. For a moment, his image flickered. Piper saw a different person-fatter, dumpier, in a much louder, leopard-patterned shirt. Then Bacchus returned to being Bacchus. "Stop that!" he demanded. "Stop thinking about me in Greek!"

Percy blinked. "Uh, but-"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay focused? Splitting headaches all the time! I never know what I'm doing or where I'm going! Constantly grumpy!"

"That sounds pretty normal for you," Percy said.

"Percy, shut up" Alex told him.

The god's nostrils flared. One of the grape leaves on his hat burst into flame. "If we know each other from that other camp, it's a wonder I haven't already turned you into a dolphin."

"It was discussed," Percy assured him. "I think you were just too lazy to do it."

"Lord Bacchus!" Piper interrupted, slipping off Tempest's back.

"Piper, careful," Jason said.

She shot him a warning glance: I've got this.

"Sorry to trouble you, my lord," she told the god, "but actually we came here to get your advice. Please, we need your wisdom."