Blackout ✓

21 | innovating philanthropy

STUDYING HAD NEVER BEEN AN issue for me.

I could force myself to zone into whatever tasks faced me, and the residual high from my four successful med school interviews seemed to promise endless motivation this week. But today, a glaring distraction sat right outside the glass study pod Krista, Riley and I occupied on the first floor of the dorm. The nuisance in question tried and failed to abide by the noise level restrictions in the communal study areas.

Jamie and Farrah.

I rolled my shoulders back and refocused on the digital lecture slides, willing the letters and electrocardiogram voltage graphs to wrap around my brain and insulate me from the study buddies giggling on the other side of the mezzanine.

But Farrah was a non-issue. I was the issue. I was just being irrational and possessive now that Jamie was doing what I had made him promise to do: moving on. He truly couldn't have found a better match. Whereas my feelings for him made me downright embarrassing—what with the mood swings and fake laughter and competitiveness—I could easily see the two of them having it...

Easy.

Natural as breathing, compared to the fighting and mind games and silent treatment that had existed between Jamie and me. He drove me crazy, and, perhaps, not healthily. Farrah seemed good for him. And if all the grief of the last few months proved anything, I was a bad habit, and it was time to quit.

I forced a pleasant smile onto my face and pushed my chair backwards, rising to my feet. "I'm just going to fill my water bottle up."

Riley's eyes widened. "Ooh, can you take mine?"

"Course."

I hung around the water fountain for a few minutes, calming my pulse and schooling my smile into confident perfection before returning to the pod.

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It was unfamiliar sitting next to Jamie as merely a friend.

I expected tension and awkwardness, but as I slid my dinner tray onto the table and slung my rain-splattered windbreaker on the back of my chair, I felt refreshingly light. Maybe it was the fact I had finally been honest with Jamie.

He knew I liked him, and he knew my reservations about dating. I didn't have to pretend now, unless Farrah was around. I suspected she was interested in Jamie, and I would not complicate the budding romance by dredging up the past.

"Hey, dude," I smirked. I waited for Jamie's lip to twitch downward. He didn't disappoint, but he also raised me one higher.

"Sup, dude." His eyes noted my athletic wear. "How was yoga?"

I sliced a boiled potato into quarters, making small talk as I did. "Very relaxing. How was your evening?"

Jamie worked his jaw, the tendon along his neck contracting. Exhaustion limned his exhale, and it was only the third week of classes. "Kind of stressful."

"Darn." I didn't know what else to say. It wasn't like I knew the intricacies of his life; ever since the football season ended, Jamie had somehow become busier.

So we ate for a few moments, me with my lamb and potatoes, Jamie with ravioli.

Minutes later, Jamie placed his fork down in the bowl, fixing me with an inquisitive stare. "Actually, I was hoping you could help me with that."

"Help you relieve your stress?" I dipped my head, teasingly scolding, "That's very inappropriate of you, Tanner."

"That's not what I meant."