red [Bucky Barnes x OC]

Clean

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was a hard chapter to write. Mainly because it was a personal experience for me. This chapter will deal with s*x**l assault. If this is something you find hard to handle please proceed with caution. I've marked where the chapter is safe to read. I did my best to honor the situation Charlie is in, in fact it's almost the exact conversation I had when I told my story to my boyfriend (now fiancée). Please remember that SA is a very personal matter and everyone deals with their trauma in their own way and in their own time.

I hope you guys like what I've done and please remember to comment and like!

Song Inspo: Clean by Taylor Swift

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*TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault*
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"Bucky... I don't know if I want you to know what happened. It's going to make you think about me differently. It doesn't matter anyway. It was all my fault."

"No. Charlie, it's not going to change anything. And if you don't want to tell me you don't have to. But, if you're not telling me because you're scared of what I'll think, well you're wrong..." Bucky scootches over so my head is in his lap. His hand still interlaced with mine on my chest.

"Did you know that when Steve broke up with me, I locked myself in this apartment for a month? I wouldn't let him or Em in."

"Yes, Steve told me. And it was me outside your door a couple of those times. But I never knocked because it felt wrong... I didn't think seeing me would help you. And I didn't really know how to help you."

I take a deep breath in and sit up. My back facing him. I can't look at him while I say these words, "Well I was trying to forget about Steve. Trying to numb myself and... I let some people come over. Not just some. A lot of people. Sometimes, I needed the company. Sometimes, I just hoped someone would make me feel something. And I let them do whatever they wanted to me. I just laid there. I just let it happen. But then there was one man about two weeks after Steve brought me home.  I said no, I had changed my mind. I was tired of being used. And he didn't like that.. When he was done... He said 'thank you'. I walked him to the door and I didn't open it again until Steve tried to break it down. And..." I trail off. Not having anything else left to say.

I hear Bucky stand up. And start walking. And I know I've done it. I've said something he can't look past and he's leaving. I feel the tears running down my cheeks and my heart starts to ache in that familiar pain.

And then I feel his hand on my arm. "Nothing that happened was your fault. I don't care what the situation was. That man... he's a monster. And if I ever... You did nothing wrong. It is not your fault. Charlie, please look at me. I'm going to hug you. And I'm going to hold you. And you're going to tell me what you need. But I'm not going away until you tell me to, okay?"

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*TRIGGER ZONE OVER! SAFE TO READ*
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I feel the sobs in my chest and I let Bucky hold me tightly. I cry into his neck and I wrap my arms around him. We sit just like this for hours: him holding me tightly, and me crying. Until finally the sobs have quieted and I've run out of tears. My head laying on his bare chest.

"Bucky?"

"Yes, Charlie?"

"I think you can let me go now. And you should probably get dressed. If you're going to be naked in my bed I would rather it be under happier circumstances."

"To be honest, I sort of forgot I had no clothes on," he chuckles and kisses the top of my head. Reluctantly, he lets me go.

"Okay, let's get dressed and get something to eat. I'm actually really hungry. Being a chaotic mess is a lot of work."