The Virgin Surrogate

Chapter 29

TARA'S P.O.V

I woke up early today nervous, I was dreading my meeting with Nate. It was later in the evening I had to meet him but my insides are in nut already. I had a lot on my mind lately, with my parents issue, Nick's issue and now Nate. But I was determined to go see Nate to settle things with him, I had to explain myself eventually and there is no point dragging it out. I ate very little breakfast and skipped lunch. Soon it was late afternoon and I had to leave for my appointment.

I dressed in a simple denim dress and flat slippers and carried a small purse to keep my cards and phone. I met Sharon on my way out and I was happy when she didn't bother to ask me where I was headed. I left after saying goodbye and hailed a taxi. I got there in record time and I had extra five minutes before the scheduled time with Nate.

I went into the restaurant and sat in a corner table to afford us some privacy. Soon a waitress came to take my order but I still hadn't regained my appetite so I requested for just a glass of water. The waitress left and returned few minutes later with my water which she placed on the table and left. I was alone with my thoughts and I couldn't help but let it wander. I remembered the good old days, when I was innocent and naïve, the times I believed in forever and fairytale endings, I believed life would remain good and one day my mum would come to love and appreciate her other daughter. But life now couldn't be further from what I dreamt of, if it was better was what I couldn't say. I remembered the memories I had with Nate here, he made me feel safe and secure, with Nate I never had to think myself inadequate, I felt enough but with Nate there was no passion, passion that threatens to consume you, there was no love fierce enough it threatens to make your heart burst out in flames. I smiled a bittersweet smile, life with Nate was good but life with Nick, as unpredictable as it is, is great. I have never felt more alive, I have never felt more....complete.

I suddenly felt a presence in front of me and I saw Nate standing right before me. My heart sped up, I had to swallow hard to force it to return to its usual pace while I chanted in my head 'you have done nothing wrong, you are only here to explain. You have done absolutely nothing wrong'. I looked up and gave him my warmest smile and I felt at ease as he smiled back at me. He sat in the seat opposite me and I saw the waitress head our way to take his order, he ordered cola and she left. He turned his attention to me and smiled warmly and said to me

"So how have you been Tara? Really, you are looking good and by God! if you glowed any more than this I might go blind from looking at you" I laughed out loud at his joke and I sent a silent prayer to God as this was going better than I expected.

"Wow! And I thought you to be different from all those arrogant men with their cheesy talks" I teased him and he laughed. He was about to say something but the waitress came with his drink and we had to wait for her to leave before we continued. After she left, we did a little catching up and I learned Nate has a new girlfriend and he has been fine. After all the talks we fell silent and I could sense it was time to address the elephant in the room. I wanted to say something but it was hard to know where to start from. But Nate saved me the trouble and spoke up.

"Tara, what happened? Few weeks after your sister's death you broke up with me with practically no explanation and then I see you some months later pregnant. And for your late sister's husband?! I won't lie to you I was hurt and I felt betrayed but after a long thought I decided you deserved a hearing out. So here I am giving you a chance to explain what happened" his words were so soft that I almost thought he wasn't speaking to me but I could also see the hurt lacing his words.

I took a deep breath and answered him
"Nate, first I am so sorry for hurting you, I just felt that was the best decision at the time. I would explain it all but I don't even know what to say and where to start from"