spanish nights

chapter three: lost in my mind

Spain; April, 2021.

JAMIE

Inside the elevator I finally allow myself to breathe. My heart beats so fast I think it's gonna rip in two. I take a sip from the coffee Tim gave me and smell the scent of cinnamon, letting it calm me down a little more. Why is it so hard to be around him and not jump his bones or get on my knees and say 'yes' to everything he could possibly come up with? Before I met him, I was never like this. I was independent. I never thought I could like someone this much. I never had the vision of what my life would be like if I had a partner. And now I wonder if I would rather not have met him at all. Everything was too real, too perfectly imperfect; and I know, even if it means I won't ever be able to like someone else ever again, I would do it over and over again. My brain tells me I should hate him, but my heart just can't seem to get the message, since I crumble in little pieces at the mere sight of him, my body has a mind of its own and I just wanna be around him all the time and soak his smile for as long as I can.

Sleeping next to him and waking up to the memories I had of our special moments had thrown me to a loop. My mind was all over the place. The elevator door finally opened, doing me a favour and bringing me back to earth, where Tim and I were just strangers. I walk to my sister's room and knock on the door, waiting for someone to answer it, while I drink some more of my coffee, tasting the sweet cinnamon savour and grumbling in my head wherefore Tim still knew me so well.

Jordan opens the door and lets me in. I walk into the room and I nod to my sister saying: — Good morning. — She looks at me suspiciously and says back: — Good morning, indeed. How was your night? — Giving me a wink. I have no desire to talk about last night with my sister at the moment, so I just snort, give my best annoyed face, and say, trying to end the conversation: — Yeah, that's not happening. We're not talking about this now, maybe later.

She looks at me, pouting like the giant baby that she is, and rolls her eyes, nodding, and complains: — Fine, apparently you got a stick up your arse now with that face, but I'll let you know that we will be talking about this later. For now, you can be happy, I'll let it go. — She says as she starts texting someone on her phone and I'm thankful that she won't be pressing me for details now.

She looks back at me and let me know Talia will be joining us for breakfast and we will meet the guys later for the cake tasting. Right now, we were on our way to get some food and, later, to her last dress fitting that I was more than happy to help with the design.

TIM

The way Jamie acted towards me after I gave her the coffee made me head straight to the lobby. I messaged Jake and Rohan to meet me there instead; I didn't wanna cause her any more discomfort and I had no idea where she was headed to, so I sat down in one of the big chairs in the front desk area while I finished drinking my own coffee.

Ten minutes or so later, the guys arrived. We headed to a charming cafe around the corner for breakfast. I was sure they wanted to know what happened last night and I was in desperate need to take some of the weight off my chest before I lost my mind. Thoughts about spending last night in bed with her took me in a daydream to a time last year when she was making me lose my senses in a different and much better way.

FLASHBACK

London; January, 2020.

She wanted to go out for a date night, dinner and movies were her choices for the evening. That night, Jamie made sure she was being extra teasing, since we had made a bet in the afternoon, when I was playing some video games and she was laying in my arms, she had said that I couldn't spend a night without giving her dirty looks and try to touch her in inappropriate ways, for the other people around us, of course, and I said I could definitely do it.