DSMP Soulmates AU

37: Angst :D

Um. I do like Sapnap in this, he's just perfectly set up for angst. Fun fact! Angst vor means fear of in German! And to the person wondering, Jared uses all and any pronouns! And likes people saying hi! SAY HI TO JARED YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM SAD. and jared also wants you to have some water! :D

*very negative thoughts*

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SAPNAP POV:

I roll my eyes as my mother drags me out the house.

"Mom, for fucks sake, I'm nearly eighteen, I can stay at my friends without telling you," I yell.

"Not his house. Not with them," She snaps. I yank my arm out of her grip.

"Mom. I'm serious. You've had no problem with this before, why now? Why this year?"

"You know perfectly well young man. I don't know what's gotten into you these past weeks, but I reckon it's those friends of yours convincing you you're like them, when you are most certainly not. No son of mine would be gay," She says coolly. I blink, stunned by her outburst. I walk past her, shoving her behind me as I walk back to our house.

I hear her yelling at me as I turn the corner. Well, at least Dream doesn't live that far.

I fumble with my keys to try and get the door open. It doesn't help that I'm shaking. I finally slam it open and leave it like that for her to shut.

I stumble up to my room, tears clouding my vision. I blink them back furiously, and slam the door to my room shut. I toss my phone across the room, and slide down to the floor, my back resting against the door. I'm so tired of this. All of it. I hear my phone going off and I ignore it. Probably just the others.

Why would it be? A voice at the back of my mind voices. Do you really think they care about you?
Well- do they? I start to wonder. Pretty much every time we try to meet up, my mom ruins it.
See. They're all probably sick of you.
Well, wouldn't they tell me? Or, they wouldn't. They're all too nice.
Exactly. And you were really annoying and attention seeking the other day. Dream apologised and you were just a dick.
I bury my face in my hands, and struggle against the onslaught of thoughts being thrown at me.
Karl and Quackity care, don't they? They kind of have to, they would be dating me if they didn't.
Or maybe they just let you tag along. They have each other, why would they need you.
I sit there in silence, my phone finally stopping. Maybe it's true. I am kind of useless. And come to think of it, me and my mom ruin things for them a lot. Why would they miss me? They all have each other. Who would miss me? Mom definitely wouldn't.

The sob escapes my lips, and a second later massive sobs are racking my entire body as I tuck my head into my knees, drawing myself in.

I hear my phone start to ring and then promptly stop. I glance up at it. I should check it. But why? Why should I keep fooling myself with this? I need to stop wasting their time, they've put up with me long enough. Too long really. I was never worth that. Not worth any of their time, and care and love.

Not even a small part of  me disagrees, I gave in completely. I'm not worth it. It's true, and you can't hide from the truth for too long.

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I totally was not listening to Jubilee line while writing this :D