SHE really hadn't wanted to go back to Agape's, but it was unavoidable.
She had made a new friend and had signed up to come for group counseling sessions weekly. She had been able to share a bit of her story and had been able to sympathize with so many others with even more painful stories.
But that wasn't her home, not yet anyway. Her real home and her real family were thousands of miles away, the bitter truth was that she had left them for a blind love story.
Now, her new family was a lot closer. She hadn't left them yet and even though she knew she had disappointed Agape, she missed her.
She missed Agape's harsh truth, Jasper's playfulness. Those days when Agape would drag Ariel out of bed and into the bathtub, those days when Jasper would read her bedtime stories.
Those were the moments that counted. The moments they cared for her, the money Agape would dump money on the dining table or those times Jasper would sneak into her bedroom at night to check in on her.
They loved her. Ariel's breath hitched when she realised it.
Nick didn't make her breakfast. He didn't drop money on the table or set a bath for her. He didn't read her bedtime stories to her or tuck her into bed when she threw off her covers.
He never really loved her, did he?
Ariel clenched her fists and stood up. She was still in the counseling centre, she had just seen Kayden off to the door and had sat on one of the waiting room chairs even though she didn't have anyone to wait for.
She had been avoiding going back. Not anymore. Now, she wanted nothing more than to hug Jasper and watch cartoons with him all day long.
She wanted to talk to her best friend. She wanted them to have their cross-legged gossip that they used to while they were in highschool - before Nick had been put into the equation. She missed the countless sleepovers and Netflix marathons.
The days before Agape wasn't kicked out and Ariel hadn't kicked herself out.
Ariel was on her way out when she had run into Francis.
He had given her a warm smile that - for some reason - made her smile back.
Maybe it was just in her head, but he looked proud of her. She hadn't gotten any real change. A part of her heart still belonged to Nick. She still went back to the things that Nick had said to her and pondered. She still couldn't stop herself from doing things that Nick had wanted her to do.
He didn't need to be proud of her.
"I'm glad you came," Francis had said.
"I'm glad I actually came. It's been so helpful, Francis. You've been so helpful. I owe you so much for everything."
Everything that had happened in just one day.
"No you don't, you came here all on your own. You befriended Kay and even talked to the people here - even when you didn't need to. The only person you owe is yourself. You owe yourself some happiness. It's the least you can give yourself."
She hated how easily she got emotional. Her eyes welled up with fresh tears, her orbs were already getting red from all the crying she had been doing for the past month.
"I- I-" she stammered, trying to say something, anything.
She had lost herself and for so long she was happy with the shadow of herself she had lived with.
Looking at it now, she had never been happy with Nick. It wasn't happiness or love that created their relationship.
It was addiction, toxicity. Lust.
A few months ago, she wouldn't have been able to nod at Francis and leave a counseling centre. Nor would she have been able to walk on the sidewalk with a small smile on her face. She wouldn't have been able to stand getting odd looks - having bloodshot eyes, roughly tousled hair and a dark red nose. Yet a warm and jolly smile on her lips.
But there she was.
••
Ariel had knocked on Agape's door.
She had never had any reason to knock, since she had a spare key, but she wasn't ready to go back to a tense environment.
She needed to see Agape in a position where she wouldn't chicken out.
The door of Agape's flat swung open, revealing Agape. Agape was dressed warmly, she had probably just gotten back from her shift. Agape's eyebrow raised so high it almost reached her hairline.
"Ariel, are you okay?" Agape finally asked, shutting the house door behind her. Jasper was probably asleep.
Agape looked around the street, searching for a particular face. "Is Nick harassing you or something? Is he here- oh God, did you go back to his again? Because I swear-"
Ariel didn't waste anymore time before wrapping her arms around her best friend. It had been so long since she and Agape had embraced. It felt so foreign yet so comforting.
"I don't know how you do it, honestly," Ariel mumbled as Agape hugged her back. "I was such an idiot. I said things I shouldn't have-"
"That doesn't matter," Agape pulled away, making Ariel look into her dark eyes, "I've long forgiven you, Ariel. You're my best friend and mentally, you weren't in a great place. You don't look like you're in a great place physically either. Come in for some tea, I think I have biscuits."
Ariel's heart warmed and her cheeks flushed. Not out of embarrassment - for once. But from familiarity. "British style?"
"Of course, just like mother used to do it. Freshen up and I'll go serve enough for three. Wake up Jasper, will you? He loves tea and biscuits," Agape said as she opened her house door and stepped in, leaving her question hanging in the air.
And Ariel let out a breath of relief. The heavy luggage on her shoulder greatly lessening. But it only lessened. Not completely left.
"Sure," Ariel called and stepped into the house.
Finally, she was home.
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