Stepping Away

Chapter 7

Chan POV

-Hey

-Wanna hang out?

When Chan sent the text, he didn't expect an immediate reply. He expected Felix to think it over, possibly respond with asking why or when and how. Normal questions to ask when setting up any 'hang out.' But what he didn't expect was for the response to take until the next day.

He didn't end up sleeping that night. Instead, Chan's mind skipped in and out of consciousness, the kitchen lights on low as he sat at the table slowly going through different project files and snippets of vocal recordings. At some point during the night Changbin came into the room and brought Chan a blanket to wrap around him, the rapper knew it was hopeless to get him to sleep on nights like this.

When the sun finally starts to rise, Chan decides he needs some fresh air. He stepped onto the balcony that looked out over the city, the sun still hadn't come up. The night had lightened into pale colors of blue and pinks, and the early November air blew through and mused his hair. Chan pulled the blanket tighter around him and sat down in one of the two chairs that Seungmin had found set out by the trash bins one day. The two of them had dragged them up and put them out on the balcony for them to use, but no one seemed to come outside often. Fear of photos being taken or overly excited fans still posed a problem for the group, so the curtains stayed drawn shut and the sliding door remained locked. Chan was taking a risk with his freshly dyed brown hair, but he couldn't bring himself to care when it was 4am and foggy.

Whenever Chan found him out here, it was usually because of Felix. Ever since the first day he had learned of the idol leaving JYP, Chan had used the sky to try and feel connected to the younger. Sleepless nights were spent trying to find the stars in the polluted air of Seoul, but Chan thanked the ones that he could see. He thanked them for being there, and for letting him know that Felix could look up and see the same ones. If anything, at least those stars kept them connected in some way. But now Chan longed for more.

It was a curious problem to have, maybe even a selfish one. Chan had always longed to know where Felix had gone after leaving, and that longing turned into the gift of Volta. After knowing where Felix was, Chan then wanted to talk to him. That opportunity came at the mubank show, slipping his number into that back pocket had brought Felix officially back into his life.

And then the article about them was released.

Chan hated it, hated every word of it and more. He feared that Felix would stop talking to him, that the rookie idol was affected by the claims that the article made and all the comments that it received. Chan had wanted to do his very best to protect Felix, but he had failed. Regardless, the article had brought them closer together, if only to prove to the public that there was no ill will towards each other. But spending more and more time with Felix was better than he could have ever hoped for, and Chan thought that that was enough.

Chan had given his thanks to the stars, yet here he was, gazing up at them again and asking for more. More sunflower blonde hair and mocha eyes. More honeyed skin and cinnamon freckles. More sharp cheekbones and rosebud lips. More Felix.

The sliding door opens then, and Minho walks out in pj pants and one of Jisung's hoodies, mustard yellow with faded graphics. The dancer carries two mugs of coffee with him, and hands one to Chan as he takes a seat in the chair opposite of him. Minho waits for Chan to talk first.

Since debut, Minho was the only one who Chan could talk to about Felix. The dancer was the last one to see him before he left and Chan knew that Minho blamed himself for Felix leaving. No one actually knew why he left, they still don't, but Minho had brought the conversation up to Chan one night when they had one to many beers on a night off.