Stepping Away

Chapter 8

Felix POV

When Felix got back to his dorm after his disastrous 'date,' all of his members were waiting for him in the living room. His cheeks were still streaked with tears and there was no hiding it in time for them not to see.

Hoshi is the first to jump up from his seat and hug him, quickly crossing the space and embracing him before he is able to get his coat or hat off. Felix just stands there, dazed and emotionally wrecked. His arms are limp and he doesn't make eye contact with any of his members as they all make their way over to him. Hyunki helps him shrug off his coat, it gets discarded somewhere in their small mud room as they take his hand and guide him to the couch to sit down. Jiho tugs off his beanie and Seojun brushes away the parts of his bangs that had gotten wet with tears.

"'Mm sorry," Felix mumbles as he tucks his chin down to his chest and curls into Hyunki's side. Hoshi sits on the other side of him and Jiho sits on the ground beside the couch, Seojun watches from the kitchen where he has started making tea.

"It's okay," Hyunki doesn't ask him to explain, Felix suspects that they already know where he had been. "It's okay, Lee Felix. We're here."

They were always there. The depths of Felix's mind could understand that much even when he felt this empty. The five of them had always stuck together through their hardships. Even now, with Felix caught in a spiral of past emotions, each member did their part to bring him up from that dark abyss. Hyunki gives him his shoulder to cry on while Hoshi carefully unties his shoes and slips them off and away, covering him with a warm blanket. Jiho turns on their air humidifier and places it on the side table, providing white noise in between Felix's sniffs and gasps. Seojun brings over a tray of tea and honey, carefully handing out the different cups and sitting down in a chair across from them.

After a few sips of the tea, Felix wipes at his eyes and pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders. Chan's face flashes through his mind again and he struggles to block out the countless smiles they had shared that night. The countless smiles that Felix thought were signs of change, of moving on. "I thought..." his words are shaky and broken, "I thought he was proud of me."

Hyunki rubs his shoulders and hums, "I'm sure he's proud of you." His leader's voice has always been a source of calm, of security, "I'm positive."

"He said I should have stayed at JYP," Felix sees some of the members shift in their seats, "He said I could have come back."

Jiho looks ready to run outside and all the way back to the park, "Who the fu-"

"Chan and the rest of his team missed you a lot when you left. I can see how his thoughts would want to stray there after all this time," Seojun effectively cuts off Jiho's threats and pushes forward in his chair, "I don't think he realized what he was saying."

Felix pushes into Hyunki's side and huffs, "Whether or not he realized it or not, his true feelings finally showed themselves... I thought after we... I mean we..."

Hoshi pulls Jiho onto the couch and stops him from leaving the living room, "I don't think Chan hyung wanted to hurt your feelings. He didn't know where you were for a long time, and when he found out you debuted he probably thought you could have done the same if you had stayed at their company."

Seojun chimes in then, "That's flawed logic, but I can see how from his perspective he thought it possible."

"This doesn't change anything," Felix wipes away another stray tear, "Chan doesn't understand any of this."

"You're right. He should learn." Hyunki squeezes his shoulder reassuringly, "He should learn and then he should apologize. But until then," Their leader takes out his phone and checks their schedule, "We have practice with them tomorrow morning."