i'm sorry

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dancing with your ghost - sasha sloan

i stay up all night
tell myself I'm alright
baby, you're just harder to see than most
i put the record on
wait 'til I hear our song
every night I'm dancing with your ghost

/

'he stepped down, trying not to look long at her. as if she were the sun. yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking' - leo tolstoy

-

michail

It was just another tick of the light thought Michail Sidorov as he saw the girl walk in, dressed in military attire. She couldn't be that beautiful.

But it wasn't a trick of the light, or a trick of the mind; the Time turner really was breathtaking.

He had been angry when a young fabrikator soldier had walked into his room and told him of the changes the General was making. The Time turner was to replace him.

He didn't realised his fury at first but the boy's pulse had lowered substantially until he barely felt it. With a surprised start, he released the grip he had on the poor boy's heart. He dropped to the floor, coughing, spewing blood. Michail dropped his head into his arms.

I had almost killed him.

He found that he wasn't resentful, not anymore; he just felt betrayed.

Seraphina. He watched her glide into the room, Genya at her side. Together, they made an enchanting duo. Despite the crowded and bustling room filled with attention seeking wannabes, all eyes trailed the pair as they entered. The voices subsided into whispers of suspicion and of jealous resentment. Of course they were jealous. As they should be. If he was, why shouldn't they?

The Tailor wandered off into the crowd but her fire red hair could be seen glistening in the light. She stopped to talk to one of the fabrikators; the boy's name was David. Sidorov drew his gaze back to the Time turner. She was just standing there, as if in a daze.

Suddenly, all his anger came flooding back; it was intoxicating, he was drowning in it. He used it as an excuse to hide himself, his feelings. Being invincible took strength but to love, that took courage. An emotional courage that he didn't think he had. He thought back to that night. Just a few days ago, they were peering childishly at constellations under the night sky. Seraphina might have been looking, wide eyed and innocently at the sky but he was staring at her. Of all the stars in the sky that fought to be the brightest and the most beautiful yet he was looking at her.

Was it love? Did he know what love was and did he want to know? All of Michail's life, he had been living in the shadows and immersed in his ambition to live a greater life than the one fate had given to him. He saw relationships as a waste of time, something that drew him away from his aspiration. But this girl, she was different. In every way. She was gifted, cursed, prophesied about but despite that, she was talented in everything else as well. She was an astronomer, a Grisha, a strategist, a soldier yet for some reason, just a girl. A simple, extraordinary girl.

He made a move to approach her. But he stopped cold in his tracks as he followed her gaze. She was looking at the Darkling. No, she wasn't looking. He was gazing at him in the same way that he had stared at her. Wonder, contentment and pure, simple happiness. Devoid of concern and worry. His eyes widened in horror as he shifted his gaze to the Darkling. He was looking at her with the same stoic gaze.

Seraphina moved forward, her gravitational aura ironically pushing through the crowd of people. The royal family looked bored; they were probably sick seeing her, sick of the scene and the attention she was receiving. They sat, picking royally at their clothing, making it clear that they would rather be anywhere other than here.

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