Always

Chapter 17

Katniss P.O.V.

I haven't been able to quit worrying. I got up a few minutes ago and started pacing the floor, but Peeta's been asleep for hours. I softly sit down on the edge of the bed, careful not to wake up my husband.

I know I told Peeta that I was sure this is what I wanted to do, but I'm still nervous. In a minute, I hear the sheet being ruffled. Within seconds, strong hands start rubbing my tense shoulders, and I let out a soft moan.

"I thought I told you to get some sleep," Peeta says as he positions himself to sit next to me.

"I'm good at not following orders," I tease. He looks at me and chuckles. He glances up at the clock on the wall.

"We've only been on this train for four hours. Now you're not going to sit here the whole twelve hours and worry are you?" He asks.

"I guess not?" I say as I let out a sigh.

"Why don't you try to get some more sleep?" Peeta asks as he wraps his arm around my back and pulls me in. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I can't," I say.

"At least rest," he begs.

"Okay," I say as we break apart and climb back under the covers. It takes me about five minutes to realize I'm never going back to sleep or be able to lay here any longer. I wait until Peeta's in a deep sleep to get back up.

I silently walk to the other end of the train to the compartment where me and Peeta talked on our way to District 11. It's also the same compartment where I met Gale on the way to visit Mom. I shrug off the negative feeling that this space has and sit down on one of the plush couches.

I must not of been as careful as I thought because in a minute, I hear a sigh that I know belongs to Peeta.

"I was trying not to wake you up," I say as I turn towards him. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he says as he sits down next to me. I rest my head in his lap and curl up next to him with my legs on the couch. "I can sense when you're not there next to me," Peeta says as he kisses me and rests one of his hands on my shoulder. "Still nervous?"

"Yeah," I reply. "I just keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong."

"You have to quit thinking like that," Peeta whispers in my ear.

"I know," I reply softly.

"You still want to go?" He asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "I won't change my mind. Not yet anyways."

"Not yet?" Peeta teases, I start laughing. "You mean there's still a chance for you to change your stubborn mind?" He says as he ruffles my hair. I start laughing as I playfully swat his hand away.

"Maybe," I say sheepishly. He looks at me and jokingly rolls his eyes.

"What am I going to do with you?" Peeta asks. I shrug my shoulders.

"Just keep on loving me," I reply.

"Always," Peeta whispers as he leans down and kisses me again. "Why don't we go back to bed?"

"I can't," I say as I sit up and let Peeta wrap his arms around my shoulder. "I feel like a prisoner in that room."

Then it hits me. "That's it!" I exclaim as I jump up.

"What's it?" Peeta asks as he stands up and walks towards me.

"The reason that I've been so nervous about this whole trip," I reply. "It's because I feel like I'm on my way to the Hunger Games again."

"But you're not," Peeta says softly.

"I know," I say. "But in my mind, this train is associated with the Games. I just can't shake the negative feeling and memories that this place holds." Peeta wraps his arms back around me as I wrap mine around his neck.

"Why didn't you tell me this before we left?" He asks.

"Because we wouldn't have left if you knew," I say.

"Did you feel that way when you went to visit your mom?" He asks softly.

"I didn't have time to where I was so sick," I reply.

"Oh," Peeta says. We stand there in each other's embrace for a few moments. Enjoying the silence. Until I finally decide to speak up.

"Peeta," I say.

"Yeah?" He replies.

"I've been thinking, and I would like to have another baby," I say. I've been wanting to admit the truth for so long that this is a relief.

"Really?" He asks, truly surprised.

"Really," I reply. "No too soon, but maybe when we get back home and this big mess is straightened out."

"Katniss, you're not saying this for me are you?" Peeta asks. "I mean you're not saying this because you know that's what I want are you? You don't have to commit to anything if you don't want it."

"I didn't say it because that's what you want," I say as I stand upon my tiptoes. "I said it because that's what we want."

He smiles and kisses me. I look up into his gorgeous blue eyes. I'm hoping to study then for a few minutes, then his pupils start to dilate.

He starts panting as the memories try to take over his body. I back away and go towards the door in case I need to make a quick exit.

Peeta holds onto the back of a nearby chair until his knuckles go white. All I do is stand there and cry for my poor Peeta. I see his mouth moving as if he's whispering something. I get a little closer to see if he's actually saying anything.

Then, I'm taken aback. Not because of his episode of course, I'm used to those. But because this episode isn't directed at me. And I think I know exactly who is the center of this flashback.

"I'll kill him," Peeta whispers again and again. Finally, he looks up at me. His eyes still cloudy and unfocused. "Gale killed Prim?" He asks. "Real or not real?"

"I don't know," I answer softly. Peeta's muscles relax and his eyes turn back to their beautiful color. I run over to him and wrap my arms around his neck. I feel his own immediately wrap around my back and hold me tight.

"I'm sorry," Peeta says as he shakes. "I didn't mean to say those things. I..."

"Sh, it's okay," I say as I pull back and look him right in the eye. "I know you didn't mean it." He pulls away to go sit on a couch and he puts his head in his head.

"They've done it," he says. "They've actually done it."

"Who's done what?" I ask as I go and sit next to him. I place my
hand on his back and start rubbing in small circles. He looks up at me with hurt and fear in his eyes.

"The Capitol," he says. "They've actually turned me into just another piece in their Games."