READ MY MIND

7

tw substance abuse

everyone would think i was so cool if
they couldn't smell the
cheap vodka
on my breath.
i know they mean well,
when they tell me
to get help;
that they hate seeing me like this.
but i don't know if my heart or my mind
are salvageable anymore.
i feel so sick,
my mind is
playing tricks on me.
i'm so exhausted, the only sound sleep
i get is with intoxication
sitting like a heavy fog in my skull.
i wake up
feeling like hell,
regret nipping at my heels
and memory swimming.
but everyone would think i was so cool if
they couldn't see the vomit stains
on the bathroom rug.
and sometimes
i wish i wasn't a big drunk fuckhead,
but most of the time
i don't have enough of a mind to care.
fuck it,
i guess i'll
drink myself six feet under.