Sixth Grade Beginnings

Chapter 37

It's strange how things can change. One moment, you're playing and dancing in an open fire hydrant, trying to stay cool from the summer's heat, in only your bathing suit... and the next, you can't even imagine showing your friends your naked skin. Suddenly, you become conscious of yourself and those around you. You begin to wonder how they see you in their eyes; you worry if you're too fat, or too skinny, if they find you attractive or utterly repulsive. When once you were just careless friends, having fun and enjoying each other's company, and now when you suddenly notice your own imperfections... you wonder if they see them too.

Hours passed while Arnold was deep in his thoughts. He could hear the ticking of his clock next to him. Just what time was it? He wasn't sure and didn't dare to look. Instead, he replayed certain images in his mind over and over. It was almost like if his mind was a broken cassette tape that continued to skip and rewind.

He listened to the noises around his room: The creaking of an old wooden board from below him from someone walking in the hallway, a fire alarm beeping from a dying battery, cars passing his house with a loud muffler that needed to be replaced... everything he heard seemed so loud.

Laying on his bed, flat on his back with his pillow clutched to his chest, the boy just listened and watched the images for what seemed like an entire night, but what probably only a few hours. He never ended up making it back downstairs to help his family, and instead decided it might be better for him to take a shower to wind down, and ponder his thoughts by himself.

Why did these images mock him so?

Arnold took in a deep breath as flashes of his memory came forward of the things Helga had done to him in her room. The way she slowly walked up to him, how she placed her hand on his and slowly backed him up against the door until it closed behind him. The way she lightly dragged her fingers across his body, from his hand to his chin. How she spoke in a soft unassuming tone and feeling her warm breath on his skin. He knew what she wanted, yet he was frozen in place. "It's more like going on a roller coaster for the first time! To put it bluntly, she'll make you really excited and nervous but in a way you've never felt before." His father's voice reminded him, causing the boy to shift uncomfortably.

Playing back the scenes of the movie, Helga's voice echoed in his brain. "Those are two people who could die at any moment, grasping for any sense of relief from their dire situation. It's not romantic, it's pathetic." Yet, the acts of kissing and touching seemed like something people who were in love would do. Arnold felt something tug at his heart and he closed his eyes. There were so many things that didn't make sense, and that included his own feelings.

These two things contradicted themselves. Helga claimed that what those two adults did, wasn't romantic... it wasn't love, yet it's something two people do when they are in love. The feelings his father explained he would feel, along with Gerald's concern with them living together and being alone behind closed doors and finally, the unrelenting urges to be as close to her as possible... weren't they also connected to love? He only had these feelings when he was with her. Was love not the common denominator?

Arnold knew he understood what love meant. He understood that people must love each other very much to get married and start a family. People who are in love, do anything for each other, including sacrificing things they wouldn't for other people. These things are openly spoken about everywhere you go; in books, movies and even seeing families together in the park or on dates. Love was something that was warm, joyful, and affectionate... but was there more to it he didn't understand?

Feelings of frustration caused the boy to roll to his side. Why did things have to be so complicated?

The next morning, Arnold awoke to a loud trumpet being played loudly from downstairs. He quickly jumped out of bed, put on his clothes, and raced down to see what the commotion was about. "What's going on?"