solace - NCT PARK JISUNG

CHAPTER VII

JUNG JIWOO

I get up early and start moving without thinking. I don't stop myself as my hands and feet work together in perfect coordination to get me ready and into the garage. I stare at the complex machine that has been lying where it is for the past 2 years.

With a heavy breath, I take it out and without dusting it and start biking. I start slow, my legs still sluggish and waking up. I look up at the dark sky. The sun has barely touched it.

Gradually, my legs move faster and the cold wind starts whistling in my ear. In a matter of 10 minutes, I'm far away from the comfort of my room and every part of me yearns to stop and turn back. But I don't, knowing that if I stop, the screaming starts.

I follow the path, whizzing past pedestrians and closed shops. The city is barely awake and I'm alive. I want to go home.

I don't stop.

"Mom! Wait, please! My legs hurt so much and it's freezing. Can we please go home?" And indeed, my legs are on fire and I'm afraid I might pass out.

She turns back and smiles. "All the more reason to keep going."

I'm never, ever doing this again, I promise myself.

We reached the top that day. It was the first time I biked up a mountain, and the last time I would have biked with her. She biked behind me once we started going up, just to make sure I wouldn't go back.

And so that's what I picture now: that she's behind me as I bike up the mountain. I don't look back, not because I might be tempted to stop, but because I know I won't see her. She's no longer here, and I still can't face that.

The path levels and my body gives in. I instantly fall off the bike and unto the grass. I kick the bike away while I roll over, gasping for air. I clutch my gut that burns from the sudden physical activity.

My vision gets blurry and I immediately regret leaving my bed.

"Jiwoo, you should stop fighting with your brother," my mother sighs when she sees the blood on my knee. She stands up and grabs the first aid kit that is used way too often because of our recklessness.

I sniff. "But he said my nose was ugly," I whine.

"Jiwoo, the two of you have the same nose," she laughs. I look away, realizing that just now. She tends to my wound as she continues to teach me my lesson. "You both have the same eyes, nose, lips, and mole in your ear. Every time he calls you ugly because of any of those features, then he's calling himself ugly."

I wince as she rinses the wound. "Can I tell him that?"

She smiles sweetly. "How do you feel when he calls you ugly?"

"Bad," I mumble with a pout.

"Do you want him to feel that way as well?"

I hang my head and shake it. "No... but I want him to stop!" I cry.

She gently places on the bandaid and takes my hands. "Always treat unkindness with kindness. No matter what."

"Does Jinwoo hate me?" I sniffle.

"That's just what boys - and maybe some girls - do to show how much they love you. They love to tease you and get you angry," she tells me.

"Why?" I ask. That's kind of stupid.

She sighs and stands up to fix the first aid materials. "It's not always easy for them to express these feelings. Don't worry, I'll talk to your brother. Just promise me you will never do that to him. You're older, so you should take care of him."