Tribal Chief

Clemency's Big Mess

  Colonel Joesph E. and Mrs. Blackwolf
           request the honor of your
             company at the marriage
                      of their daughter
                Clemency Helene Louise
                                   to
     Mr. Harlan Cartwright Amberson
                  on Saturday,
          the Fourteenth of Feburary
                2 clock in the afternoon
                            at
        Saint Thomas More Catholic
                        Church

Reception immediately after the ceremony at The St. Regis Hotel
923 16th and K Street NW.

   The expensive gown, hung in the corner, her veil, hung off a chair.  The Bride, "calling the hogs",  her wake up call woke her, and she head for the tub.  A planned, two hour soak, became a five minute shower, and a hurricane powered spray of "Red Door ".  She went to the salon and lit it up.  Her hair was a rat's nest of sweat, dirt, dandruff and split ends. She was getting her nails done. Polished and decorated.   The poor pedicurist, would need "hedge clippers ", to trim those toe nails.  The heels of her feet, didn't need a pumice stone, but a grinding wheel.  After three hours, a box of band-aids and a "miracle", Clemency was ready to be a Bride.  Her mother, wore a red and white gown, simple yet, elegant.  As did her Grandmother.  Clemency's gown was in it's garment bag,  as was the see second one, not to get wrinkled.  She wore soft flats, a caftan, and a turban to hide the condition of her hair.  

   Clemency sat in her caftan, her hair on a simple bob cut,  she was in a corset and bustier, smoothing red embroidered roses on her nylons, she slid on her white leather kid boots, tied them. Her hoop slip, was a overwhelming over turned tea cup, and a bit too short for the gown.  She then stepped into her gown, s h.g e wanted to be Princess Diana, the gown was identical, except for the off the shoulder sleeves, that made the neckline s little too deep, and would slide off her flat bosom.  She called upon her mother to adjust the bodice. The best thing about the entire trousseau was the veil, a simple rounded tiara, and a plain white veil. At least her mother talked her out of the twenty foot train, she opted for six foot one.

Harlan stood down at the end of the aisle, having everyone wondering was he fighting laughter or nausea. The bridesmaids were a riot,  red velvet bodices, looked as if, they tried to squeeze into a sweetheart neckline vase, that was two sizes too small.  She had nine attendants,  one looked more ridiculous than the other in their gowns. The skirts, were long silk innertubes, of a dingy looking white. The maid of honor was the opposite of the bridesmaids, the color scheme, the best looking attendant she had was the spoiled flower girl.  A simple velvet dress, with a tulle ballgown skirt, of candy apple red. Her little curls, made the child resemble a chocolate "shirley temple ".  The wedding was long enough to put the guests and congregation to sleep.  Finally the wedding was over, and the people almost ran over the wedding party to leave the church.

    The Saint Regis was elegantly decorated,  caterers served the wedding party,  by then Clemency had changed into her second gown,  a strapless sweetheart neckline, snug waist, simple lines and bodice, the skirt, was the disgrace.  A circulation challenge tight skirt, a mermaid skirt, that skirt was straining to hold Clemency's "super wide load ass", inside the fabric.  She walked as if she had as stick, jammed nine inches up her ass.  On her feet were those same kid boots.  Everyone was surprised she could sit down without the gown ripping.  Harlan fed her wedding cake, that too was s sight.  A five tier wedding cake, strawberry cake, white icing, red trim, on the top was a plastic set of swans, that resembled a pair of "goonybirds".  The cake was over, over sweet.  Harlan threw the garter and his best man caught it.  The first bridal dance was a lark as well.  The chosen song was, "Just You and I". Harlan was dancing with Clemency, but his eyes was on Nyssa.   The final insult occurred when the bridal bouquet was thrown,  and the one that caught it was the "Maid of Honor ", and as Clemency threw it, her dress ripped up the back, because her her mermaid skirt, could not contain her wide load, any longer.   She had to back up the stairs, to their honeymoon suite.  The second gown was ready for the rag bag or "goodwill".  They argued their entire wedding night.  They didn't need to "consummate " their marriage, Clemency took care of that six weeks ago.  They left at 11am. checkout time for their honeymoon in ????