It's not until a few days later that she really starts to notice how much Jennie's struggling. She finds her curled up on her bed surrounded by pillows, a hand clutching her back as she whimpers in pain.
First it was her feet, then her hips, then her thighs, now her back. She sometimes finds it hard to breathe when she lies weirdly... Lisa doesn't envy her at all.
"Hurting?" she asks softly. Jennie nods, her face tight with pain. Lisa makes a noise of understanding. "C'mere," she whispers. "Sit up, take off your shirt."
Jennie doesn't question it and Lisa just goes to get the aromatherapy oils someone suggested to Jennie a while ago before returning.
Jennie looks at her in relief and it surprises Lisa a little when she reaches to unclasp her bra too. Jennie just gives her a look.
"It's Chanel," she says and Lisa just nods and moves behind her, brushing her hair over her shoulder before beginning to rub her back. The smell of lavender and chamomile is a little overwhelming for a while but then she gets used to it, too busy finding all the knots in Jennie's back.
After a while, Jennie sighs and relaxes into her touch. Lisa breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of it and makes her movements gentler, softer, wanting to ease the pain away slowly. She thinks that it's working until Jennie shifts away and tells her to stop.
"Am I hurting you?" she asks softly, frowning in confusion when Jennie grabs for her shirt and covers her chest.
"I... no, no, Lisa..." she swallows visibly and Lisa notices for the first time how out of breath she is, how flushed her skin is. Realization sinks into Lisa then. She shifts back nervously and Jennie sees it, laughing and shaking her head sadly. "Stupid fucking hormones," she whispers. "Sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Lisa says instantly.
Jennie laughs then. "Yes, I do," she argues. "I really do and I just..." she trails off and laughs before burying her head into her hands embarrassed.
"What?"
Jennie looks at her and then down at the comforter.
"I can't..." she whispers. "I can't..." She purses her lips and groans. "You're driving me crazy."
Lisa's face falls. "I..." she tries. "I'm sorry, I..."
"No," Jennie says, stopping her with a hand to her wrist. "I mean... you're driving me crazy."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Lisa gulps. "How are you dealing with... that?"
Jennie peers up at her and gives her a look that shouts that she's doing everything she can. It also shouts that nothing's working.
"I tried but, um..." Jennie shakes her head. "Everything just makes me more stressed. I can't stop thinking about..."
"Jennie," Lisa warns. Jennie looks down again, chastised. Lisa feels terrible. She gets up. "I need some air."
Jennie just nods and lets her leave.
//
She doesn't know how it makes her feel, knowing that she's probably the one thing that's making Jennie feel more uncomfortable. She takes a drive to Namsan Park and walks around there for hours, debating her options.
She debates moving out and putting distance between them but realizes that, while it will make herself feel better, it will probably just make Jennie feel worse.
She debates buying her a toy that will be able to satisfy her but guesses that maybe Jennie's already tried that.
It feels obvious what she has to do and, as much as she tries to convince herself that she doesn't want to, she knows that she does. She always has and she grudgingly wanders back to her car to drive back.
She guesses she can go there, if she has another excuse to do it. If she's helping Jennie then, she guesses it's okay.
//
She doesn't let Jennie speak, just pulls her up from where she's sitting on the couch and tugs her upstairs. Jennie tries to protest but then she realizes what Lisa's doing and gives in. By the time that Lisa's pushing her down onto the edge of bed, Jennie's shuddering.
Lisa kicks off her shoes before reaching for the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head. Jennie stares and swallows and doesn't argue when Lisa kneels between her legs and begins to unfasten the buttons on her shirt. She drags it down her arms as Jennie's eyes turn big and dark and beautiful. They make nerves begin to buzz in Lisa's stomach.
She ignores them and urges Jennie back against the mountain of pillows, rearranges them around her so that she's comfortable.
"Lisa," Jennie whispers when Lisa reaches for sweats and tugs them down her legs, underwear coming down with them.
Lisa leaves her own on and crawls up over Jennie, smiling nervously when Jennie looks up at her confused. "You okay?" she asks softly. Jennie nods.
Lisa brushes Jennie's hair off her shoulder and realizes she doesn't know what to do now. She doesn't want to kiss her. She feels like that would make her selfish and would take away the fact that she wants to do this for Jennie and only for her, like a back massage. That's why she isn't really looking anywhere but her face.
"What do you need?" she whispers softly.
Jennie gulps and her hands reach up to grip at her elbows, pulling her closer.
"You," she whispers. "Just you."
YOU ARE READING
Developments // Jenlisa
Romance"I'm in love with you," she whispers, her voice breaking. Jennie's face softens completely. "So much that I think it might kill me, except I don't even like you right now. I don't even know who you really are. I don't even think you do." She shrugs...
