Brand New Eyes

I Settled Down A Twisted Up Frown

I was getting ready to drive over to Josh's  to talk over some stuff. Although I really wanted to have a serious, contemplating talk with him, I knew that I'd been telling myself that I would talk to him and it hasn't happened yet. It usually turns out to be us talking about what music we wanted on the album and us going over lyrics I wrote in my lyric book.

I threw on a pair of skinny jeans, a red Relient K shirt, and my gray beanie. I mad my way downstairs, before throwing on my orange and yellow Vans. I probably look like the aftermath of an apple/orange/banana smoothie, but I didn't care. I grabbed my keychain off of the hook on the wall and attached it to one of my belt loops. I threw my black hoody on, before locking the door and leaving. My lyric book and stuff were already in the car, so I just got in the car, started up the ignition, and made my way onto the streets.

The thing I wanted to talk to Josh about was our friendship. You would think that since we've been seeing each other (not like that), that'd be close as ever. We're actually more like close as strangers. Josh and I used to date each other. From 2004-2007 and now it's 2009. But, we broke up for the sake of the band. We haven't been talking, like we used to. We don't laugh at the same things or talk about the same things anymore. And I missed Jeremy, Zac, and Taylor just the same. It's just that I figured that I would have more of a need to fix Josh's part of the friendship issue a bit more because I have this feeling that it's because of the fact that we broke up. But, it also confuses the hell out of me because it wasn't a one-sided decision; it was mutual.

I made my way into his driveway and waited outside of the house. I wanted to give myself some encouragement to do this. I wanted to tell him how I felt, what I thought, and why I wanted to fix it. But, looking at Josh and telling him that was just going to be so hard, I was going to have to avoid the eyes that I used to look into with so much romance. Even though I have a new boyfriend (Chad Gilbert, guitarist of New Found Glory), I still remember being in love with Josh. It wasn't like there was anything wrong in the relationship; we were sacrificing our future love for the band. We didn't want to risk anything happening to the band, if something happened in our relationship.

I, eventually, got up the courage to grab my stuff and march up his walkway to knock on his door. Before I could even put my knuckles on the door, "I saw you sitting in your car."

"Oh." I said, awkwardly.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern in his voice- something I'd be for all this time; some concern was what I needed, since he hasn't been caring about much lately.

"Um, I want to talk to you."

"Okay. Well, come in first." He said, moving out of the doorway. I came in and went to sit at the couch in the living room.

"So," he said, sitting next to me on the couch. "What's going on?"

I took a deep breath and did something that I told myself I was going to stop doing, and that was to stop looking him in the eye. "I just wanted to talk about us." I said, a little quieter.

"Oh." he replied, a little awkwardly.

"No! It's not like that," I said, putting my hands us. "It's more about our friendship."

"Oh. Well, what's wrong?"

"It's just... I feel so disconnected in our friendship, compared to how it used to be. We used to be so close and now the only thing that seems interesting between us is our music. And it really sucks because we were friends before we even thought about being in the same band and now that it's all that we talk about, it really confuses me at where we stand."

Then, Josh said, "I totally get where you're coming from. But, it was never a noticing factor for me. I saw this coming from a mile away because we don't just have this disconnection for no apparent reason.