Brand New Eyes

I Can't Make My Own Decisions

Taylor, Zac, Jenna, Josh, and I all got into Josh's car. Josh and Jenna were in the front. I sat in the middle of the back seat with Taylor and Zac on either sides of me. He started up the car and Jenna turned on the radio. On our way to the mall, I had to text Chad, letting him know that I was going out with the guys. So, I would have to call him sometime else, unless he was still up by the time I got home.

We eventually pulled up to the parking lot of the mall and got out. We walked into the mall and saw a bunch of different stores. Zac and I both saw a Cold Stone Creamery, so we begged for everyone to go with us. They clearly didn't turn down that offer, so we went. I got a strawberry sherbet ice cream, in a bowl. Taylor got a chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream, in a bowl. Josh got a plain vanilla with jimmies, on a cone. Zac got a chocolate cone with chocolate sprinkles. And Jenna got a mint chocolate-chip cone. We all sat at some table, in the store. Everybody was just silently eating their ice cream, until Jenna spoke up. "So, Hayley..." I looked up from my bowl of ice cream. "How do you think Brand New Eyes will play out, in the writing cycle? I know what kind of ideas Josh has. So, what are yours?" "Um... I don't really know, as of now. Just life stuff and kind of just growing up. Stuff like that." "Oh, cool. What kind of life stuff would you maybe be talking about?" "I don't know. It'll probably all hit me when we leave for California tomorrow. I'll have more inspiration when there's a sense of what type of music will be played. But, Josh and I will come up with something pretty soon, I guess." "Oh, cool. So, Chad's on tour, right?" "Yup." I nodded.

It seemed like she was asking unnecessary questions, but just to piss me off. I knew that this wasn't going to go as planned if she came along. And, as far as I know, Jenna is a "complete sweetheart". You don't see me acting all hard-edged over the difference of who Josh and I were dating, compared to now. Meaning, she's only pissing me off because she knows that we dated and she's trying to bring Josh and Chad into any conversation she can. I mean, Josh is her boyfriend, so I get that. But, Chad? Really? He doesn't even know her and she's just bringing him up like he's an old friend. But, I'm ready to grow up and get past all of this petty shit.

"I know that it has to be hard without him here. How do you deal with it? I just would like some insight on how to deal with Josh being gone." Jenna asked. "Communication. You know, like phone, Skype...? That kind of stuff." I replied, nodding. I, then, felt Josh looking at me, so I looked up and he looked like he wanted for me to end the conversation somehow. But, damn it, I wanted the conversation to end, too. I'm the actual one in the situation. "Right." She said, sensing a bit of sarcasm in my voice, which wasn't meant to come out that way; I was just irritated with her. So, I took out my phone and texted Josh saying: What do you expect me to do? I didn't start this conversation. Keep your damn girl on a leash.

So, he eventually pulled out his phone, not knowing it was going to be me who had texted him. But, Jenna was looking right over his shoulder!!! Alert!! Shit. So, I decided to distract her myself, "Jenna, can you sing or play any instruments?" "No, not really. But, hopefully, Joshy can teach me." Eww. She said 'Joshy'. That was my old nickname for him, when we were dating. I looked back over to Josh and he looked very uncomfortable, then replying with, "Joshy? Since when did you ever call me Joshy?" I looked down smirking, while both Taylor and Zac looked highly uncomfortable. "Well, I thought that it would be cute. You don't like it?" she asked, looking up at him with soft eyes. "Yeah... Uh, you can call me whatever you want, sweetheart." He replied, kissing her on the cheek. My phone vibrated on the table, so I picked it up. There was a text from Josh, Chad, and a group text message. I checked Chad's first and it said: Okay, babe. If I'm still up and not so tired, I'll still call, babe. Love you.

So, then, I checked Josh's and it said: I can't control what she does, but I understand where you're coming from. But, she's just still a little skeptical about you and I. We're exes who are around each other all the time, so how do you expect her to react.

I texted him back, saying: She can get over her insecurity or you can tell her that it's okay to let go of her jealousy stage because THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON.

I checked the group message and it was a message from Taylor and Zac. Taylor said: This is suuuuuuper awkward. Can you guys PLEASE stop it?

Zac said: I find it awkward 2 but it's still very funny to me.

I replied with a: Well, I kind of agree with Zac, but I also agree with T. It's annoying and mushy, but Josh's so uncomfortable that it's fun to watch.

"Damn, Josh." Jenna spoke, shifting all of our attention to them two. "What, Jenna?" "Your phone is vibrating off the hook. You want me to check them for you?" she said, picking up his phone to turn on the screen lock. "Oh, no no no." he replied, taking the phone out of her hand. "I'll just check them now. I gotta go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

I could tell that she just wanted to go with him to avoid awkwardness, but she bit her tongue. So, as soon as Josh left, we all picked up our phones, texting away.

Josh: Guys, stop it. She's my girlfriend.

Zac: Hey that was all Hayles. We didn't say anything about Jenna

Me: I admit it was all me. But, she's so annoying. Please, tell her to stop.

Josh: Stop what? The fact that she wants to call me Joshy? Or is it the fact that she's my girlfriend?

I could tell that Josh was angry and that he had meant for it to be a low blow. So, we all put our phones down in our laps and I could feel Taylor and Zac gaze over at me. So, I picked my phone back up and said:

Me: I'm not the one that's uncomfortable with her calling you Joshy. That's all you. And I could care less that you have a girlfriend. I just, we just would like for you to at least contain her enough, so that she's not purposely ruining the fun that we're supposed to be having tonight.

Josh: There's nothing I can say to her. Not while we're in front of you guys.

Me: Text her and tell her to come to the bathroom, so you can talk to her.

Zac: Yeah just go with that Josh. I'm sure it'll work out like that.

Josh: Ugh, I wish that I didn't have to do this, but I guess it's best that I do this before we leave. Fine guys. Will this make you guys happy?

Zac: Yes

Taylor: Yes

Josh: ...

Josh: Hayley?

Hayley: Yeah, I guess

Josh: What do you mean I guess? This was your idea. I don't have to do this.

Hayley: I mean, I don't wanna be a pessimist but she might take it offensively, so whether you talk to her or not, I don't know if anything will change.

Josh: Well, I'm just gonna take this chance.
Hayley: Thanks. Ur right. You didn't have to do this.

Josh: I'll talk to you guys after I talk to her.

"Are you guys all texting each other? All of your phones are vibrating at the same time." Jenna said, looking at the three of us. "Uh, yeah." I said, wondering what I could possibly say to get off this subject. "Well, why don't you guys feel comfortable talking in front of me?" "It's top secret. It's about the album. Right, guys?" I said, giving the guys a look. They just nodded. "I get it; I'm not allowed to know anything." "Basically... I mean, it's not something you would want to know anyways. It's about..." Zac replied, before I kicked him underneath the table. "What?" Zac asked me. "It's not for everyone to know." I replied, looking at him. Then, Jenna said, "Well, why not? He's allowed to tell me." I squinted my eyes at her, before forcing a smile at her, "Zac, go ahead. You're allowed to tell her, right?" "Well, I wasn't really gonna tell you the secret. I... was gonna... say," he said, finding the right words to say. "I was gonna say that you wouldn't be allowed to know because it's between the five of us, including Josh and Jeremy. It's a band thing and we're pretty sure that the album wouldn't be a good surprise for you, if you knew what we were talking about." "Yeah, okay. Um, is that why Josh left? So, he could talk to you, without me over his shoulder." She said, looking directly at me. I was taken aback that she was so straightforward. But, before I could say anything, she got a message and I knew that it was Josh. So, she said that she would be going to the bathroom, before giving me a look and walking to the bathroom.

What do you guys think??? Sorry it's been so long, babes.