our past

/chapter one/

Åse wants to be the Queen.

Åse walked into her father's room.

-Dad, I want to talk to you about my future.- she sat down on the floor watching her father hum and nod slowly, letting her speak.- I think I should be your heir, not my brother.

Canute laughed at her daughter's ideas but stopped when he saw the seriousness in her face.

-You are not going to be the queen, Åse, Frode is my son and your next king. End of the conversation.

-Dad, look at me and look at Frode. I'm better in every aspect: I fight like a man, I always take the right decisions and I'm a natural leader. I've grown listening to you and learning about being a good king, I am the perfect candidate to heredit the crown. - she sounded so convinced that he couldn't turn her down. He sighed and smiled a bit.

-Don't make it harder than it is. I know you are way better than Frode. But, darling, the rules are the rules and you know the next person to have this crown has to be a man.- he said pointing at the golden tiara he had on.

-Dad, you are literally the King, change the rules.- he closed his eyes and held his breath, thinking about what he was going to say next.

-Åse, becoming a leader is not easy. Even though you might think you are the best option I have, and I think you would be right, I don't want to put you in this position. You have not the experience and I don't want you to have it, being a king or a queen is not a positive thing, is horrible, is slavery to your crown, is stress, is pain, is duty and it's not something you need. Not because you are a girl or incapable of being a good queen, but because the misery it brings you is not for someone like you, I want you to have a happy life.

His daughter went silent for a bit and then, with confused eyes, looked at her father begging for explanation.

-Dad, that means you are not happy. - Canute flinched in surprise but relaxed as soon as he could. It's true. He wasn't happy at all, he was under the control of the crown, even when he promised to himself it wouldn't affect him, it had. He had to marry Thyra and have kids, he had to do things he wasn't proud of in order to save England. Things that couldn't be forgotten, things like leaving people behind, killing people, burning towns, allowing slavery... but what he regretted the most was hurting the love of his life.

-I am not.- he was so brutally honest Åse had to hold her tears.- You make me happy and so does your brother but I am not a happy man.

-What would make you happy?- in pure innocence his daughter asked. She wanted to make her father happy.

-A person.- It came out like that. Åse looked at him in confusion and he waited for her to express her thoughts. Frankly, even Canute was confused.

-A person? Like mom?- her father shook his head and smiled sadly. Now he had to explain.

-No, a boy. Well, now he must be a man. But yeah...

-A man? Dad but I was thinking about someone who makes you happy in a romantic way.- she clarified. Canute's eyes were nostalgic, his smile was a thin line of pressed lips and his skin was as tense as it could be. Åse was no dumb girl so she noticed the details and put two and two together.- Dad... were you interested romantically in that boy?- she was afraid of finishing the question but she couldn't help but wonder.

-I think I can tell you about him.- he smiled sweetly at her.- would you like to listen to my first and only love?- she nodded excitedly.- even if that were a boy?- she frowned for a second but shrugged right after.

-I don't care. Just tell me already.- she impatiently jumped a bit and smiled widely at Canute.

-In that case... well, I was a teenager and so did he. We met when I was still a very... let's say impressive boy, and he did impress me a lot. At first I found him as scary as a teenage boy could be, but then he became my bodyguard and we started getting closer and closer.- his storytelling was interrupted by a shadow who approached the room. Canute stopped talking and waited for whoever that was to show themselves.

-What were you talking about?- Thyra said while stepping inside. Canute sighed in annoyance and Åse was about to tell her but then she shut her mouth when remembered how bad it would be for is father if anyone knew about his romance with a boy.

-None of your business, please, step out.- he motioned the door and, with a hurt look on her face, Thyra walked outside feeling like a useless part of her husband's life.- where were we at? Oh yeah... our friendship.