the lonely hearts club || n.h au

fifteen

"So let me get this straight," Fionn pauses, "You're blowing off game night to drive to Dublin and see Alexandra?"

"...yes?"

Silence. Niall likes silence, usually, but not this one.

Tightening his grip on the steering wheel, he braces himself for whatever his friends have to say next. He knows they won't pass up the opportunity to give him shit. This is an unusual behaviour — even for him. He's always spent his night off at either Fionn or Brody's place even though oftentimes he regrets the decision to do so as they always end up bickering over stupid things. But it has sort of become his tradition — one that he never skips.

Today is an exception.

So, as he slows his car to a stop, he waits for the inevitable to come.

And then, he hears it. Fionn is the first one to burst out laughing, followed by Connor and then Brody, the sound breaking the silence in his car. He's about to ask why they're laughing when he gets his answer.

"Oh man you're whipped," Fionn says once his laughter has died down.

Niall stills. "I-I'm not—"

"I think it's cute," Brody interjects, amusement lilting his voice, "that he misses her."

"Does she know you're coming?" Connor asks. "Or is it a surprise visit?"

It's the latter but Niall keeps his mouth shut. Or rather, he can't seem to get a word out.

Because now that he's no longer driven by pure impulse and instincts, the magnitude of his action settles heavily on him. He's in fucking Dublin. He just drove an hour to get here and Alexandra has no idea that he's parked in front of her building. After weeks of talking via messages and after weeks of denying the fact that he misses her, he's here.

He's here, he's here, he's... What the fuck is he doing here?

He can't remember the last time he did something spontaneous. Unless agreeing to be in a fake relationship with Alexandra counts as one — he doubts it does.

And as he looks out the window, his heart threatening to leave his chest, he remembers why he hasn't done anything spontaneous in a while. He thinks too much. His worries leave no room for his impulsive nature to take over. Only on rare occasions does he allow himself to be impulsive. But usually then he's under the influence of alcohol. When sober he tends to think before he does anything — one can even argue that sometimes he's too cautious.

Alexandra has told him several times he can come and visit her in Dublin. She even gave him her address once when he jokingly — or maybe it's not a joke after all considering that he's here now — told her that she shouldn't tempt him because he might just take her up on the offer. But will she be as inviting if the visit is unplanned? If she knows nothing of it? When he knocks on the door, will she be happy to see him? What if she's busy? What if she isn't even home? Alexandra mostly works at home but sometimes she has to go to her office and she's been going there a lot these days.

Maybe this is a bad idea, Niall thinks to himself. No, it's a terrible idea.

But he can't turn around now, can he? He's already here. So he might as well—

"Niall?" Brody's voice punctures his thoughts. "You still there?"

"Yeah," Niall answers, blinking his eyes once, twice. Taking his phone off of the speaker, he adds, "I should go."

Connor whistles. "Have fun! And don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Which isn't much," Fionn chimes in.