Longing For You From Camellia

My Memory of You

[Camellia P.O.V]

Where do I even begin? 

Maybe with my current situation first. 

I am getting married to my childhood first love! The guy I thought I would never meet again, let alone get married to. 

For your information, I haven't met the guy since I left my birth place to America which was when I was just 4 or 5 years old. To be honest, I don't even remember the guy. Well, maybe I did in my subconscious mind because I felt this weird feelings when I first saw him again, when I didn't know who he was or who he is going to be to me. 

Before I go more into how this come to be, let me introduce myself. 

Hi, my name is Camellia. 

There's a lot of meaning to my name. For example, in Latin, it means, free-born; noble; and servant of the temple. The last one is kind of funny to me, seeming that I'm not a religious person. I do believe in God but I'm just...free-born, you could say. 

In term of the flower meaning, there's a couple meaning as the flower came in different colors. It is said that the camellia flowers symbolize love, affection, and admiration. White camellias symbolize adoration and is given to someone who is well-liked. Pink camellias symbolize a longing for someone and is given to someone who is missed. Red camellias symbolize love, passion, and deep desire. 

Out of all the camellia flowers, I see myself as the pink camellia. At least for now.

Since I was young, I was raised with my grandma and so I tend to mature faster than kids my age. Of course that doesn't mean I don't have my childish part. Some say I am a crazy woman when I get mad or upset but on the upside, it's hard to make me mad.

Growing up, I tend to take care of others more than myself. I put others before me which is why my friends thinks I am going to be single for the rest of my life. Because I would rather help a friend pursue a guy or a position rather then taking it myself even if the job or the guy wanted me. 

Some even thought I was religious and was saving myself till marriage. Of course that's not true but yes, I am 23 years old and I have been solo for as long as I can remember. And yes, haven't even experience my first kiss yet.

Of course, I had few crushes and guys after me but maybe I was just unlucky in finding love. Nobody ever stick to me and I never had feelings for the guys that came after me. Well except for one of my guy bestfriend. Even when my own guy best friend came after me and I had a crush on him, no matter how well we got along and I thought maybe we could start something, things go south after I found out that my cousin was in love with him. It almost broke my heart but they look so good together that I couldn't help but to let him go. 

As for my first love, like I said, it is the guy I am getting married to. We grew up together before I moved to America. I was still young at the time to say he's my first love but I was never able to forget him. Even when I forgot his name, how he looked like, what he was like, or our times together. The only thing I remember about him was when we went swimming in a river with our friends. The river was near our village and we would go there to swim. One time, the only time I remember being with him, we went swimming and the water starts to rise and the current got stronger. We were told to go back home and as we tried to cross the river to go back home, I lost my shoes. He rushed to get it and caught it but he was too far from me. I cried really hard when I got to the other side and didn't see him around. I was sitting on the muddy hill, crying, and he appeared and comforted me. 

The memory isn't much but I would dream about it from time to time. I would wake up with a weird feeling after. Sometimes, I would even wished that I would meet him again. 

Of course, this is not the reason I see myself as a pink camellia flower but I just had a feeling that someone is out there for me and only for me. The longing of finding my true love someday has now perish as I am going to marry a guy I have only met for a month and have no idea about.