2/2/09
9 p.m.
H,
I saw you today.
It's been a year, did you know that?
Your voice. No amount of time could cause me to forget that sound.
"No, thank you. I should be leaving."
You were feet away from me. I didn't need to look to know that.
But I looked anyway.
And your eyes were already on me. I wasn't surprised. You were always the one to seek me out first.
What you were doing at my place of work, I have no idea.
I saw you today.
But it wasn't you. Not really.
Oh, so many walls you've built. All of them to block out me.
I know that I hurt you.
And I'm sorry.
I wanted to say everything and nothing. I wanted to run to you and stay where I was. I wanted to tell you that I still care and that I don't.
Thoughts, emotions, guilts, joys—a war in my own mind.
I could see it in yours, too.
I saw you today.
And I suddenly remembered it all.
Brushes of fingers. Smiles across the hallways. Knees touching under tables. That laugh you gave me when I managed to tell a decent joke.
Your laugh, if only I could hear it again. Just once.
Maybe then, I would feel whole.
I saw you today.
And now I dream.
I dream of all the moments that mattered.
-L
