All in his head

fourteen

Tate

Shock falls over me like a blanket when the door bursts open before I make it into his bathroom to hide. Old memories run through my mind as I meet her deadly blue eyes.

There she was, the bitch, the bully. 

Olivia Gardener.

She look way worse than I remember, her face fully of cakey makeup and botox. And the look of pure hatred and shock on her face as she comes face to face with me for the first time since graduation. 

Before either of us can say anything, Adrian is in front of me with his hand on my back pushing me into him. 

My hands grab onto his shirt, no one will pull him away from me right now.

No one.

"So this is what you ditched me for? That loser?" She scoffs, and something clicks in my brain. 

Something I haven't felt in a very long time. 

The inability to react.

The inability to feel.

All I can do is grip Adrian's white dress shirt in my hands focusing on the clean pressed material in my hands. 

It happens quickly, any and every emotion drains out of me. Old habits returning to me, settling in with no intention of leaving me alone.

More people walk in, as I try to refocus, reconnect to everything around me.

Adrian's powerful scent that surrounds me, his hand holding me against him, the way his muscles move under his shirt with any tiny movement, the rhythmic rise and fall of his shoulders with each breath.

Do something please.

Suddenly Olivia is in my face, "He's just using you. No one would ever want damaged goods like you" 

I should be crying, holding onto Adrian, asking him is he was just using me or if I'm damaged. 

But all I do is watch Olivia be dragged out of the room by Atlas, not feeling anything.

Warmed hands fall onto my face and I meet the grey eyes I have become so content with. I watch his mouth move but don't hear a single word, but nod in response moving my eyes to the ground. 

Why can't I just fucking cry like a normal person would?

All I want to do is cry, to feel something. Yet nothing happens, I feel nothing. 

But his voice brings me back, "Do you want to go to bed?"

Sleep.

That's all I think I'm capable of right now. 

But I don't want to be alone, I need something familiar near me to feel, hear, and smell. Without even thinking about it, I ask to sleep with him. 

HIs grey eyes brighten a little and agrees quickly as his hand moves a piece of hair away from my face. 

Focus on his kind movements and touches, the calming smell of his room, the warmness of his hands. 

Bring me back, please I can't do this alone.

My feet carry me out of the room and change into shorts and a random shirt. 

Once in the bed I move myself to be against him, his arms keep me close. My eyes close but I focus on anything I can feel. Anything that can pull my head back down. 

His thumb rubbing the skin of my waist under the shirt. 

His warm body acting like a personal heater to mine.

The prominent muscles of his stomach under my hands.

I need him to be my anchor, I don't think I can survive something like this again on my own.

***

"Tate!"  His deep voice calls out, my hand start shaking. The voice of the devil, the voice that haunts me.

My entire body goes numb when he stumbles into my room. 

The scent of whiskey and cigarettes fill the small space as he gets closer. 

I want to run, fight, scream, beg someone to save me. 

But that will never happen, I'm stuck for the rest of my godforsaken life. 

A nasty smile stretches across his face as my eyes close and prepare for the worst.

The pain is all I feel, his harsh touches, painfully grabs on my body, violent sharp thrusts into my body.

And all I do is sit there, waiting for the torture to end.

***

Warmth.

Slowly my eyes open and land on a tattooed chest.

"And the princess is finally awake" A small smile forms on my face at the sound of his voice.

He made me smile.

I feel his hand run through my hair, as mine tracing the outlines of the tattoos on his stomach. 

Refocus, relax in the safety of his hold. 

His hold is a good one, meant to protect me.

"Do you have to go to work today?" I ask moving to look at his eyes, "No, I'm going to work from home more. It won't be very often I have to go into the office" he responds, continuing to play with my hair. 

"Can we stay here for awhile?" 

"Of course, princess. Go back to sleep if you want, I'm not going anywhere" He whispers and kisses my forehead. 

His words are everything I need, his actions are what I crave. 

Right now, he is all I need and want.