Are you a writer thirsty for feedback but just can't seem to get one (a honest one, at least)? Then, My friend, this book is specially for you!
Just to make things clear, I will be completely honest and I will not spare your feelings. Good books are...
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Get a cover or just Pm me and I'll make one for you. There are no words and just plain grey with a picture of a book and the word 'dear' that is cut halfway. If you had a cover, people would click on your book more. So yeah, get it.
Title: Okay, I thought it was Dear Diary but it's Diary Dear and that just sounds weird but ok, creative maybe. But I genuinely think that you should change it. It's not bad, but it doesn't make people want to pick it up too.
Impression: It sounds a bit boring at first but it's actually quite interesting when you flip the pages. It's a bit messy and hard to comprehend if you're an idiot but overall, it's just messy. But great. I see few stories like this but it's not that unique either.
You introduced so many characters in the first chapter and that could be confusing and it's also something every writer would avoid. First Diana, then Victor, then Bella, then Sang-hoon, then Aaron and River. It's just too much to process, especially when it's just the first chapter. All of them just sort of pop out of nowhere like little dwarfs.
Also, suddenly a bunch of gangsters showed up, called her a slut and Diana and her gang pulled out guns. Wow.
Blurb: It's not bad. Too much information but not bad. Got nothing to say about it.
Grammar: It's not that bad. You keep repeating 'Diana' instead of using 'her' or any other thing. Also, pls, the lowercases. "i farted"
It's supposed to be
"I farted"
But you just keep repeating dialogues with lowercases and When a person says something in the first line of a paragraph, suddenly it's uppercase. It's really confusing and idc if it's aesthetic or smth. There are also spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, comma and such but yeah, other than that, it's okay. Overall, I have no complaints.
Plot: It's a cliché honestly but people love those types of things. It's sort of dull but people have different perspectives on things so don't take my opinion seriously. For me, it's boring but for others, it may just be the perfect storyline for them.
Characters:
Diana: Seems like an overhype pouty teenager who likes puppies, Victor and stuff. Kinda annoying (maybe that's her character) and giggles a lot. I mean, a LOT. I don't hate this character nor do I like it either but she's fine.
Aaron: Probably love interest or BFF. Idk about him tho.
Sang-hoon: Would probably die or be that supportive Korean friend yada yada yada
Bella: Seems pretty useless but I don't entirely know that since its just 2 chapters
Victor: I don't like him
River: I like his name. Him? nah but he seems pretty sweet
Nova: Who tf-
Lincoln: Okay fuck cuz when I see him all I see is Abraham Lincoln
Others: *shrugs* I don't see how they matter
_________________
Conclusion: Your book is okay but pls, for god's sake, get a cover. Your talent to write in first person is fairly good and you pulled it off neatly. The diary part- You need to break down the paragraph because it's too long. Also, it would be nice if you could describe things more like.
"Hey" the corners of his lips curved up into a rather anxious smile.
Instead of
"Hey" he smiled at me nervously
Also, I know I can't judge everyone or their writing style but there are ways to improve. You have a great way of writing stories but you need to improve on developing great characters. All of them are pretty much hippies and the Main character, Diana, seems annoying, overly bubbly and weird because who tf thinks:
I love this look! I also saw it on Pinterest.
Your writing is okay but your characters need some sort of glow up because I can't seem to care about them. You did a good job on Aaron tho.
Your story is funny, cute and kinda intriguing and you could pull it off splendidly if you make the characters more...idk, great. All of them just seem to be dumb for me, especially Diana.
Result:
5/10
You're a great writer but could use some improvement. Especially on developing great characters and expressing how they feel.
