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i heard you already forgot about me. but, i guess that's what we have become—forgotten memories. isn't ironic how we used to talk about how nothing lasts forever? and now, we can add our love to that list.
i guess this is our fate. we were never supposed to be in each others' lives for long; we were never supposed to be more than just first loves; we were never supposed to last. we were just trials for each other, is this how you think?
i was just your guinea pig? someone you could freely experiment with, control, and play your little games with before you move onto your next test subject, the next person you'd claim, again, to be "your one?"
i was your rough draft, wasn't i? you read and analyzed me to the core before you could create a checklist of a perfect significant other for yourself. this was never a relationship for two; it was a task you had to complete in order to enhance your abilities for your next mission.
i'm just like another video game for you, aren't i? we used to play video games together, but i was never the main character when we played, even my role was called "support." i didn't know my purpose in the game was identical to my purpose in real life: to support you, to make you stronger, to elevate you in order to win the game. except in real life, unlike in the game, we aren't both winning, only you are.
if you do think like this, i hope you got your satisfaction from winning this game you created and i played. i hope you feel satisfied with yourself knowing you lied, hurt, and broke me. i hope you feel so proud of your performance that you'll never forget me.
these are things i would say to you if i ever see you again, but after being with me for so long, you'd probably know it's not true. because i did love you and i don't know how to get over you.
i guess the person i hate the most, even after all of this, is me. for loving you so dearly, for believing what we had was truly special, for making us a package deal for two years, whenever i think of you, i think of our first date.
you arrived before me, and the moment i saw you staring out the cafe's window, smiling and waiting for me, my heart skipped a few beats. that was the first time i felt nervous, shy, my cheeks turning red. i'm disappointed in myself for thinking of you like this even after knowing what you did to me.
and a part of me wants to believe that you still think of me in that way. i hope not all of the memories we shared are gone and there was some truth behind your "i love you's." i'd also hope that the saying is true, that a part of our hearts will always store our first loves. unless you really had no love for me.
