Serenity, as people call Serene, just wants her life clear and free of storms. But it all crumbles down when her sick twin sister had to ruin it for her.
BelovedQueenie, 2020
"Serene, anak?" Tawag ni mama. I sighed. I did not open the door. Wala akong lakas para tumayo.
"Di ka ba talaga makakasama?" Umiling ako. Even if I want too, na kay Chastity lang naman ang atensiyon niyo. I've experienced it many times and I don't want it to happen again. Lalo na't kagagaling lang namin sa away ni Chastity. It will just be awkward.
"Di po, sorry. Gagawa pa po ulit ako ng plates, bukas na po kasi ang deadline." I lied. I'm too tired to start again. My body's slowly giving up on me. I can feel it. My time's almost up. Hindi na ako aabot bukas.
"Kayo na lang po ang mag-celebrate," dagdag ko.
"Okay, anak." Natahimik si Mama. Akala ko nakaalis na siya nang marinig ko ulit siya.
"Happy birthday ulit, anak." Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Right at this moment, I want to tell her what I wanted to say, what I truly feel, pero ayaw kong masira ang araw nila. Today is Chastity's birthday, they should celebrate happily.
"Thank you po." I said instead.
Ilang minuto lang ang nakalipas, narinig ko na ang pag-andar ng sasakyan. Linibot ko na lang ang paningin sa kwarto. My room's a lot more messier than it was yesterday. I kinda threw a fit. Nagkalat lahat ang mga gamit.
Nang nagising ako kanina, I regretted it. Balak ko sanang maglinis pero sa huli wala akong nagawa. I'm bedridden.
I sighed at tumingin sa kisame. Pumunta kanina dito si Chastity. Nag-sorry siya and explained her side. I actually felt bad. Tama naman si Papa. Kagagaling lang ni Chastity. I should have been more considerate. Recalling what happened yesterday, I knew I overreacted.
Nakatitig ako sa kisame when I felt my phone vibrate near me. Pagod ko itong kinuha. Mabuti na lang abot lang siya ng kamay ko.
I smiled when I saw that it was a notification from my friends.
ezach @ezachalvarez
Happy birthday lods mah friend @sheshellsshesays
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12:00 am . 15/03/20
Rae @reynareyan
Happy Birthday @sheshellsshesays I love you! 😘
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12:00 am . 15/03/20
Kaninang madaling araw pa pala sila nagpost lol. Ngayon lang nag-notify sa akin.
I retweeted their tweets and replied my thank yous.
serene @sheshellsshesays
Thank you frenss, I love youu 😍😘😘🤗 2:26 pm . 15/03/20
I scrolled through twitter more. Napadpad ako sa mga drafts ko.
| I want you to be happy
| Seeing the smiles on your faces, i think its just right na hindi ko sinabi
| Pano naman ako?
| Di naman ako nadapa wala naman akong naalalang nadapa ako
| Abcdefgehikmln
| Ni minsan hindi niyo ako tinanong kung okay lang ba ako
| Aaaaaaaaaa
| Bakit ang bilis nilang manilawa pag galing sa kaniya?
| I wish you could treat me the same
| Shshshdjdjdj
| Pag ako ba namatay, malulungkot kaya sila?
| #
| Tiiredddddddddd
| Gutommm
| 💀
| But I still love you tho :)))
| Naiintindihan ko naman. I know you're just worried for Chastity. Pero may times lang talaga na napapaisip ako. What about me? Anak niyo rin naman ako.
| Okay bagong diary ko na 'tong twitter draft ko lols
| Dear parents
I smiled and wrote another draft.
| Ahem. I don't know where to start. I'm not really good at expressing myself lol but I just want to say I'm thankful na pinanganak ako. I experienced many things in just a short while, and I treasured every bits of it.
| Thank you Mama and Papa for taking care of me in many ways you could. I'm sorry for not being the perfect daughter like how you wanted it to be. I'm sorry na palagi ko na lang kayong nadidisapoint. I'm sorry na nagseselos ako sa kapatid ko.
| I'm not blaming any of you Mama, Papa, even Chastity. I understand. Noon pa lang, nakikita ko na kung ano ang kalagayan ng kambal ko. Tama namang mas bigyan niyo siya ng atensiyon because she needs it. I know hindi niya rin ginusto ang magkasakit.
| But me... I wished for it to happen. I wish to die. And I wished for it many times. I'm sorry kung ganito ako, Mom, Dad. I'm sorry for being weak. I'm sorry for thinking negative thoughts. But now that I'm in this kind of situation, hindi ko na po kaya. Pagod na ako Ma, Pa. Pagod na po akong magpanggap na okay lang ang lahat.
| I'm sorry for not valuing my life well. Alam kong maraming tao ang gustong mabuhay yet here I am wasting it. Hindi ko rin po gugustuhing may ibang tao ang magaya sa akin. As much as possible, gusto kong magtiwala sila sa sarili nila kasi ako, hindi ko iyon nagawa.
| I'm just tired Ma, Pa. I know someday you'll understand. I love you Mom, Dad. I love you Chaste! I'm sorry nasigawan kita kagabi. I know I could not say this in person pero Happy birthday sa atin! I wish for you all to he healthy and happy. I love you!
