Hello April

Prologue

"I've never been fan of the spring time. Its just never been my ideal time of the year. Its hot and rainy every single day, not to mention the endless mosquitoes feeding on your soul. So no, I'm not a fan of spring." 

The room was bright, multiple sources of light blurred my eyes and was to be the cause of my future headache. Between the 3 separate lamps sitting spread out around the room and the window having no curtains of any sort, there was really no protection for my poor eyes. 

"I asked you if school is getting better for you Charlie, not if you like the spring time." 

I've been through this same process multiple times now, so let me just break it down for you so we can move on to the real reason I'm telling my story, okay? The lady in front of me is my therapist, dun dun dun! That sounded a lot better in my head... anyways. I've been going through therapists left and right for a year now. If I'm not mistaken, Sharell here would be number eleven. Or maybe twelve? I don't know, doesn't matter, you get the point. 

"I know that, I'm not an idiot. I was giving you a metaphor, I learned it in my Literature class a week ago. Maybe if you were smarter you would have understand that." My back laid back on the couch and I didn't bother to make eye contact with her. We both knew I would have a new therapist by next week anyway. I grabbed the stress toy from her book shelf behind me and began to throw the plush towards the ceiling. 

"I don't understand why you are here Charlie. Don't you want to get better?"

This question. This question is the reason for my story being told in this very instant. The reason you are reading this book on a website made for fanfiction about your favorite band members being secretly gay. Don't you want to get better? 

"No." 

You know why? because happiness is short lived. No matter the amount of therapy you go to, the amount of pills you take, it's all short lived. Think about it like this, your family takes you to your favorite theme park in the entire world for a whole weekend. You go on all of your favorite rides and see the best characters from wherever the fuck you watch them. But then, the sun comes up on that faithful morning and it's time to go home. Back to reality.  

I don't want to live like that. I want to always expect to be let down. That way my hopes aren't too high and I don't get let down again. It's easier.

It has to be.