Broken Promises (Is It Love? Colin Fan fiction)

Chapter 3: Restless & Guilt

COLIN'S POV

Why am I this restless? It could be anyone. I sighed and fall back in my bed. Ever since Harley took that name, train of thoughts and worry is messing with my brain. If by any chance it's her then how will I stand in front of her. After all these years and all those promises I did and didn't kept not a single one of them. No one knows about her presence in my life, I never talked about it to anyone. I look at the picture of me kissing Emily's forhead resting at the bedside table. No one knows about it since I don't allow anyone in my bed room. I remember the times she let me make love to her according to my moods. I remember the first time I furiously made love with her and how faced problems because of it not for once complained. I miss her but if I tell her this she will probably go for my throat not believing me. Will she talk to me? I have slept with so many girls, not once felt the sensation I felt while making love with Emily. Am I in love?
"I am doing my head in, probably it's not her."
What I did to her is wrong, she has always been with me, supporting me, saving me from cruelty but I was so ashamed to call her. To tell her about my life. I could have called her on the very day I arrived in here.
How is she doing? What is she doing? Does she have a boyfriend? Or maybe she is married.... How is grandma doing... God knows. All this questions is churning in my head. I changed my number the day I arrived here to cut ties with everyone but a call to her would have done no harms then why didn't I? I might have put her to worry. She might have tried to call me but... I sigh again. What have I done? I know her number, it's saved in my phone but I never dialed. Should I try? Maybe she has changed her number. Could it be that this number doesn't exist anymore?
How many times I tried to have the courage to call her but it's one place I became weak. The weakness called Emily Gray. I have started a band and everytime I go on stage it's reminds me of her, how we planed it together to start a band and here I am doing it alone totally exterminated her of everything. Well, Doris and Adam is different.
I play with my phone for a while, it's late should I just go for it and call her. Has she changed her habits of going late to bed? It's 1 A.M. in the morning. Just a try won't hurt. My heart is racing. My fingers lingers on the call button but I am so stupid that I didn't gathered the courage to call. Harley told Sunday we will meet her. I will see if it's My Emily or not. Should I apologize? No I am sure she will hit me with her car. Oh my fucking God. I am gonna pay the price of my deed. I so remember those good old days I spent with her.... I remember the first time I made love with her, we were so young and not really very bold... I was 17 and she was just 16, the way we touched each other, the way she made me feel... How we lost our virginity, she trusted me enough to let me do it. And that day how we talked about music, God I still remember the look in her eyes... I took away that from her...

FLASHBACK (FEW YEARS AGO)

"Hi Colin..." I look up and see Emily in a casual dress but she always looks good.
"Hey Emi... You look good."
"Thanks... You always look so handsome..." she says with a devastating smile. She came and kissed me in the cheek and I grab her and kissed her in the lips. I nibble her lips, she tastes like strawberry. I love the taste her so much. The kiss started with slow passion and it turned in a savage passionate kiss. She moans and that triggered my arousal. We are young, to be honest we are horney. Price of puberty maybe. I feel like a hot lava inside, I want her so much. Aahh I am 17 and she is 16, can we. I can always try. She is all I have anything normal in my life right now. I pull back panting and so did her. I bit my lips and tell her the what burning my mouth, "Hey, Emi..." my voice is hoarse than usual.
She look at me with such beauty with her blue eyes. Her eyes delve into mine God she is so beautiful. I will never get over her eyes and looks and the way she looks at me. It feels like I am being loved.
"Yes, Colin..."
"I... I... Umm... I want...you..." I finally said to her. She seems to catch her breathe.
"Colin... I want you too but aren't we young."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then today, can I make you mine?"
"Okay... I trust you anyway. If it makes you happy then I will agree." she said smiling.
"But... Dad will be at home tonight. I hate it why can't he just leave."
"Um... Grandma isn't home, she will not for a week and she told me that you can live at ours if you want."
"Really?"
"Yes... Nicki is their to make food, she will leave after 9. You can come anytime."
"Okay, I will bring some clothes. I am sorry for all the.... " she cuts me off putting an finger over my lips.
"Colin, you are one of my life's important person so don't even think about it. Come over okay. I will inform Nicki." I nod and pulls her to kiss another time. I can't get over her lips. We stared at each other tenderly. She is so beautiful, cute and understanding. I will never leave her side. One day I will leave this place then I will come back to take care of Emi.