The Need to be Needed

The Search

I wake up to the smell of bacon cooking. As I sit up in bed, my head hurts from last night. I hear Diane downstairs, so I get out of bed to go see her. When I enter the kitchen, she turns to me and opens her arms wide. I smile and go to her, sinking into her arms. 

When I finally let go, Diane says, "So, I had to run to the store this morning to get some groceries,  and when I passed the Highland house, it was crawling with cops."

My face falls. "I didn't think they'd bother looking for me," I say.

"They need to keep up their image. If it got out that you had been missing for a while and they hadn't reported it, they would lose everything," Diane says, looking serious. "Sweetheart... if they try to claim you were kidnapped, I'm the first person they'll suspect," she says, looking away from me. 

"Diane," I say, forcing her to look at me again. "If they suspect you, we'll just have to make sure they have no probable cause."

She smiles at me. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather seek the help of someone who's not a convicted felon?"

"No one else would want me," I say, shrugging.

Diane reaches out and holds my face. "My sweet Lydia... while any sane person would be incredibly grateful to know you, I'm lucky you chose me." She kisses my forehead. 

I sit down at the kitchen table, and Diane brings me a plate of bacon and eggs, as well as a mug of fresh coffee. She sits down across from me and smiles as I sip my coffee.

"What?" I ask, noticing her smile.

"I didn't say anything," she answers, laughing.

"Why are you smiling at me like that?"

"I wasn't doing it on purpose," she says. "I can't help it. Your face makes me smile." 

After breakfast, Diane starts doing the dishes. "Do you want help?" I ask, but she shakes her head.

"No, sweetheart," she says. "Why don't you go find us a movie to watch?"

I turn and go to the living room, finding the remote and turning on the TV. As the screen lights up, the local news comes on. I gasp, as my own face stares back at me from the screen.  

"Local authorities are searching the town for any clues about Lydia's disappearance. If you have any information, please call..."

My mind blocks out the rest of the words. I sink backwards into the couch, eyes fixed on the picture of me that takes up half of the screen. God, I really do look terrible in that picture.

Suddenly, I feel one hand on my shoulder, and another reaching around to take the remote from me. Diane changes the channel, and my picture disappears. It is replaced with National Geographic, which shows two sharks doing god knows what. 

Diane comes around the couch and sits down, scooping me into her lap. I curl into her, feeling her heartbeat against my temple. She's holding me like you would hold a baby, cradling my head. 

We've only been sitting like this for about a minute, but I realize that this is the longest I can remember being held. My mother might have held me longer when I was born, but that only lasted a few days before she dropped me at the fire station. I have to contain a laugh when I think about the irony of my situation. I feel more safe and loved in the arms of a convicted felon than I ever did in the home of a prominent, well-respected judge.

Diane plays with my hair, and kisses me all over my head. Now that I think about it, I don't know that I've ever been kissed before. It seems like such a little thing, but Diane's small displays of affection mean everything to me.