Can i have a ride home? - Dreamnap

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omg nick actually updates 😱😱 srry weve been inactive lmaoo family stuff is happening and the uncle almost died jddhjssj um BUT we're back uodating and hopefully gonna set a schedule!!!!! seey for the holdup everybody

f-slur warning (i can reclaim it dw!!), 1000+ words lul
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music is playing quietly and the ride is almost completely silent. the only thing breaking the thin environment is my playlist and occasionally blinker clicks, us not talking to each other. through the soft music i see blondey over here opening his mouth, trying to get words out, yet still maintaining the silence for several uncomfortable seconds.

"um. so, um. is it okay if i hang around your place a bit.? im a bit scared to go drive home myself, atleast for now as im pretty wasted.. um. yeah."

"yeah, sure, you might have to hide if my parents get home today though. but yeah i dont really mind."

"thanks man, thats alright."

silence falls once again, the car ride still going smoothly. one song fading into the next, i stare at the radio, humming along to the song and looking out the window.

we pull into the driveway, thankfully my parents arent home right now. if they were i would be dead by now. i grab my stuff and exit the car parked on the side of the street, blondey coming along. we walk in and head up to the attic, us both sitting down on my bed. i grab my charger and pull out a box from under my bed, it just has a stash of cigarettes, alcohol and lighters.

i light one and open a window thats over my bed, grabbing mystery boys hand as we climb up on the roof.

"i never caught your name, what was it again?"

"mm, you can call me clay if you want. whats yours, pretty boy?" he shoots me a look, a smug smile resting on his face. we make eye contact for just a moment, though i look away and down below me quickly.
"um. sap. or some of my friends call me pandas."

i hide my bright red face, looking down as clay gently reaches his hand out and rests it on my cheek, pulling me to face his way.

i lose my breath. confused, flustered.. theres a fuzzy feeling growing in my gut and a haze growing thicker in my head. he leans close to me, his eyes fluttering shut. i accept it and lean in as well. my heart is racing, my mind is racing.. i feel his hot breath on my lips..
beep beep! beep beep! buzz buzz
we pull apart spontaneously, clays phone ringing in his pocket. he looks at the screen and hops back in through the window, answering the call. i can hear him talking, assuming hes talking to his parents or something.

"yeah. uh huh. yes im safe. im just at a friends house dont worry. ill be home later today probably. no his parents arent in town right now. yes. yeah. no. okay, bye love you."

i climb in and shut the window, sitting on the bed.
"everything okay?"
"yeah yeah, its just my mom. sorry about that. anywho.."

he climbs onto the bed and grabs my cheek, leaning in and kissing me. caught off guard for a moment, i slowly melt into his embrace. his lips are soft, tasting of whiskey and honey chapstick. he grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me closer, wrapping his arm around my waist and with his free hand rubbing the inside of my thigh, inching closer to my dick. i moan into the kiss, my sounds being drowned out.

we continue this for a few moments, only stopping to breathe. my mind is a blur and the only thing thats keeping me conscious is adrenaline. he pins me down on the bed, maintaining eye contact. i blush hard, staring at his eyes and lips.

my mind starts racing again and soon enough i cant think straight. i move his arm and sit up quickly, breathing hard as clay stares at the back of me in confusion.

i grab a lukewarm, half-empty, crushed waterbottle and down it, my head starts to spiral and my thoughts get all jumbled.

clay places his hand on my shoulder, staring at me.

"im- sorry are you okay? did i do anything? im sorry i shouldve asked if you were comfortable before doing anything im sor-"
"no no no its fine its fine its fine its fine dont worry you didnt do anything i just. i got overwhelmed and my head hurts i just need to breathe a second"
"yeah yeah its fine, um, do you need anything? i can get you some water or um- just whatever i dont know how to deal with these situations"
"no, no no its fine im fine i just. i need space to breathe everything feels weird."
"yeah yeah yeah okay cool."

clay scooted away a bit, still monitoring me incase something bad happens. i start spiraling, everything feels fuzzy and overwhelming. i take deep breaths in and out, trying to ignore my jumble of word vomit-ey thoughts.

what would your parents say? they would throw you out for sure if they found out you were such a whore.
do you think its okay to be a sinner? sneaking with boys, making out. so disgusting. i bet your dad would be ashamed to have you as a son, wouldnt he sap?

i feel tears running down my face, my breathing getting rougher. through blurred vision i see someone knelt down in front of me, they take my hand and speak.

"hey, hey hey hey, hey. is everything alright? calm down, focus on me. everything is okay, yeah? its all gonna be fine. i dont know how to handle these situations but um. i hope im doing it right. are you okay?"
i shake my head, wiping my tears and pulling on my hair. i try to steady my breathing, it doesnt work well though.
"whats wrong, can you tell me what happened? if youre okay with it."
i stop for a second, trying not to explode into just a messy puddle of negative emotions.

"im disgusting. what would my parents think?? i shouldnt do this im an embarrassment, a disgrace even. im a fucking dumb whore and nothing better just a stupid little fag who would do anything to get attention and and i-"

"hey, hey hey hey. none of that is true. youre beautiful and nice, youre anything but what you said. everything is gonna be okay, dont listen to those thoughts. theyre dumb and intrusive, youre fine."

his words break me. i start sobbing more as he pulls me into a hug, patting my back and whispering reassuring words into my ear. i cry into his shoulder for a bit until i calm down, soon enough my breathing starts going back and my eyes are dry. he rocks me back and forth, my head buried in his chest. i hold on to him tightly, this is the most happy and comfortable ive felt in years. i look up at him, a soft smile resting on his face.

"do you really think that?"
"of course i do."