A Court of Light and Melody

Chapter 10 - Still Falling

"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."

- Sigmund Freud

Song: Still Falling for You - Ellie Goulding

Gwyn woke in a cold sweat. It was that same dream. Or rather the same nightmare .

Truthfully, she couldn't tell which was worse. The nightmares of Sangravah or the nightmares of Azriel. The ones where she kissed him, held him, pulled him inside of her... and then ripped out his throat with her teeth, or strangled him, or drowned him in a river.

It was clear now that she had made the right call in refusing to move forward with him two weeks ago. These dreams - nightmares - were a clear indication of as much. Engaging in any sort of intimate activity with Azriel was dangerous for him. She was dangerous for him.

The dormitories were illuminated only by the moonlight filtering in through the long windows. All of the priestesses around her slept soundly. Likely not dreaming of viciously murdering people they cared about.

Her eyes drifted to the invoking stone on her nightstand.

I am unworthy.

She could feel Catrin's voice trying to claw its way to the surface, to offer her words of comfort. But that couldn't be allowed. It would only serve to weaken Gwyn's resolve. Azriel was not safe if there was a crack in the armor she'd strapped on after their discussion last week.

Gwyn slid out of her bed, silently making her way towards the restrooms. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she realized that they all had morning training in just four hours. She was going to be exhausted.

Slipping into the restroom, Gwyn loosed a sigh of relief. She was alone now.

She crossed to the basin of water, splashing some of it onto her face then rubbing it onto the back of her neck. Her mood instantly improved. The heat of anxiety fading, leaving her just slightly shaken and a little less disturbed.

Gwyn faced her reflection. She looked distressed, haggard, nothing like the cheerful priestess she needed to become in the next few hours.

I'll squeeze in a few more hours of sleep. Do some mind-stilling and come back good as new.

Yes. That was a good plan.

Now the question she faced was... did she tell Azriel of these nightmares? Maybe he could help. Romantically involved or not, he'd become her confidante.

What if I scare him off? Rightfully so...

But that worry was quickly dashed. Gwyn wasn't sure how or why, but she knew that Azriel wouldn't run if she confessed to him.

Because you realize how greatly he cares for you, Gwyn...

The priestess clenched her teeth against her sister's encouraging words. Shutting her eyes tight, she banished Catrin's voice from her thoughts. She could not afford her comfort right now.

After training she would tell Azriel everything. That she'd been having nightmares ever since that night they'd determined how to move forward. That she dreamed of killing him. At the very least, he had a right to know that the female he was "waiting for" felt an impulse to kill him.

Gwyn wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs. Their morning session was wrapping up and the priestesses were beginning to filter out of the training ring. All who remained now were Cassian and Azriel - who were muttering to one another by the shooting range - and Emerie, Nesta, and Gwyn.

"Trust me, you'll never guess the ending. Not in a thousand years, Emerie," said Gwyn.

"Sure," Emerie grinned. "I'll bite."