Beloved Evil

SIXTEEN

Tara sat on the windowsill in her room, her nails tapping the wood in an anxious manner. She hadn't been able to sleep the last few nights and it was taking its toll. She had taken a bath earlier and had almost cried as her eyes had fallen upon her reflection. She knew that appearance was the last thing she should worry about, but something about her dry, broken hair and dull eyes had shocked her. It seemed that she broke a bit more every day. At first it had saddened her, but then she had become mad, and as she sat in the windowsill, she was still furious.

She had continued her search for Bartholomew the last couple of days, but to no luck. At least she hadn't run into any murderous demons, or even worse, Lucifer.

She sighed as the thought of The Devil entered her mind. She jumped down from her seat in the window and began pacing back and forth in her room. She despised everything about him, but she still wondered when he was going to summon her again. The worst thing was, that she didn't dread their meetings, in fact, she looked forward to them. It seemed that their meetings were the only progress in her plan of escape, even though that progress was nothing more than minimal.  

She hoped that their next meeting would be outside too. She still remembered the grass under her bare feet, and the feeling of moss under her fingertips. For the first time, she had seen a sight of Hell that wasn't scary. In fact, it was beautiful.

She didn't fear Lucifer as much as she used to either and she knew that was probably going to be her first mistake. She had already said some questionable things that he had luckily decided to overlook, but someday, she was going to burst at the seams and all her anger was going to splatter all over his throne room. And what would he do then?

Outside, a dark grey colour was slowly overtaking the blue sky. She looked at the clock. It was time for dinner, but it was also her last chance to walk around the castle, before dinner was over and everyone was to stay in their rooms.

Tara ran her hands down her face, contemplating if she should throw on the disguise that Finley had given her once again and continue her search for Bartholomew. But as she bent down to take on her shoes, she felt how lightheaded she was. She cursed under her breath as the decision was taken for her.

She opened the door to her room and followed the stream of humans down the hall. She needed food or else she was going to drop dead before she could even put on the other uniform. Of course, she would only wake up in Mildred's Morgue with nothing more than a headache and an empty stomach.

Esther greeted her when she sat down at the table, another questionable meal in front of her. Tara had learned not to think too much about it. 

"You weren't at dinner yesterday?" Esther asked.

Tara hadn't seen Esther at work either because she had been on delivery-duty the whole day.

"I fell asleep as soon as I got off work," Tara replied, stuffing her mouth. She hadn't known how hungry she had been before she finally allowed herself to eat. She would continue on tomorrow. Maybe her body really needed to relax a bit, and maybe with a proper meal, she would be able to sleep through the night.

Esther looked at her for a second but then shrugged and began talking to Shepherd who was sitting across from her as usual. The two of them had a certain spark in their eyes that Tara hadn't seen in quite a while. It reminded her of the real world, of Nettie and the guys she would talk about. Tara couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. Not only of Esther, but of Nettie. Had she moved on? Was she happy?

As Tara finished her meal, she began feeling tired. She hoped Arthur wouldn't be waiting for her in the hallway or in her room as he sometimes did. Now, she just wanted to sleep.