TIRED | pacey witter

𝙊𝙉𝙀

𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙊𝙉 '𝙎 𝙍𝙀𝙏𝙐𝙍𝙉 𝙁𝙍𝙊𝙈 𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝙀𝙍 𝘾𝘼𝙈𝙋

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IT STARTED THE DAYS PRIOR TO MY FRESHMAN YEAR....

pacey witter. god the way his name sounds. the way it easily rolls off my tongue like it's the only name i should ever utter in the entirety of my existence on this earth. maybe that's dramatic but i really feel that way.

i know he'll never feel that way about me though. i'm just 'dawson leery's kid sister' in his mind. he's so funny and charming; he could get any girl he wanted and they'd be lucky.

i mean, i feel lucky just being in his presence. when dawson finally grew out of his twelve year long phase of finding me embarrassing, he finally let me be in his general vicinity when pacey was around. i had always known who pacey was and thought he was cute; but when i first got that one-on-one interaction with him, everything changed.

i'll never forget that day. i was twelve years old and i was sitting in my living room reading Alice in Wonderland for like the twentieth time when dawson and pacey came downstairs.

dawson quickly went into the kitchen, presumably to get some snacks before watching another spielberg classic. pacey stayed behind in the living room.

"oh hey allison," pacey said, realizing i was there.

i muttered a quiet "hey" i avoided looking up at him and continued to read.

"whatcha reading?" pacey asked grabbing the book from my hands.

"hey-" i started before pacey quickly interrupted me.

"oh alice in wonderland. of course," he handed the book back to me, "haven't you read this like a thousand times? you're practically alice herself by now."

i smiled a bit looking up at him for a second before turning my book back to the page i was at. dawson then walked back into the living room with the snacks for him and pacey, "come on let's go," dawson said before heading back upstairs.

pacey started going up with him and i looked up at him. he turned to look at me and smiled, "see you later alice, enjoy wonderland." he started back upstairs and i mumbled a quiet, "see ya."

from that day forward, to pacey i was alice and pacey was my white rabbit. someone i would chase but never catch. someone who would lead me to my inevitable fall into the unknown. ever since that day i have been in a constant state of falling. falling for him.

my crush on pacey was something that i constantly had to try to keep on the back burner but it was always there. always slowly creeping up on me waiting to jump out and present itself anytime pacey looks in my direction. it was like torture.

now i was sitting at my window, reading alice in wonderland. which inevitably led me to the thoughts of pacey in the first place; causing me to reread the same paragraph over and over. i'll curse him until the day i die for making my favorite book hard to read without thinking of him.

the phone then started to ring and i ignored it, assuming someone else would get it. a couple more rings sounded and i got up with a sigh to answer it from the phone i had in my room.