TIRED | pacey witter

𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀

𝘼 𝘽𝙍𝙊𝙆𝙀𝙉 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙈𝙄𝙎𝙀

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IT HAPPENED IN MY OWN BEDROOM...

i wonder what pacey would think if i cut my hair? would it get his attention? would he even notice?

ever since my phone call with him, my thoughts of him have completely multiplied. it feels like his name has been playing on a loop in my mind like a broken record. 'would pacey like this?' or 'what would pacey think about this?' wondering things about him like he's a celebrity.  thinking like this reminds me of being a kid again.

i need someone to snap me out of it already. i can't keep getting stuck in limbo. it's just— i've waited so many years to even just be his friend and now that we are it almost hurts more. it's like he's finally noticing me but not in the way that i want. he obviously notices other people in that way though.

speaking of, i hope that i was able to help him. or maybe i shouldn't hope that? no, that's mean. i just— i'm selfish. i don't want him to be with someone else. i want him to be with me. i want him to be with me. but i have to remember that it's not always about me. he needed my help and i'm his friend.

one day... maybe it could be more? i just need to give it time. i need to be his friend, talk to him, and leave a lasting impression. maybe i should call him?

no. that's probably too much, right? i just need to wait for fate to figure it out. like alice, if the white rabbit shows up, i'll follow it.

but...i really want to talk to him. i should just call him. just tell him that dawson wanted me to tell him something. what's the harm in that? wait, that doesn't make any sense. ugh.

before i could decide if i should call him or not, i hear my name being called, "allison! get in here!" dawson yells through the walls of the house.

i huff, standing up from my window seat. i make my way to his room and roughly open the door, "what do you wantttt?"

"just come look at this," dawson says ignoring my obvious annoyance.

is he really trying to me show some movie scene or something right now? "what is it? i swear if it's—"

"do you recognize that woman?" he asks, cutting me off and looking at me.

i look at him with confusion before focusing on the small screen, sitting next to my brother. she's looks familiar but i don't know, "no..." i begin, focusing on the screen more, before finally realizing who it is, "wait, is that..."

"ms. jacobs," i say with dawson in unison. i look at dawson with shock, as he smiles goofily.

i turn my head towards joey and she gives me a disgusted smile, "we have no idea who the guy is though."

i look back at the screen and everything finally clicks. oh my god. it's pacey.

there's no doubt about it, it's pacey. but, he said he was seeing a girl from his history class... that can't be him. i focus on the screen again.

it's pacey. i could honestly recognize him anywhere and that's him, "i have no idea," i lie, continuing to look at the screen. "it could be anyone," i add, feigning ignorance.