sand of memories; oikawa tooru

a

unbelievable. absolutely ridiculous. 

those are one of the few words that rang inside my mind after hearing his offer. i had to curse nonstop, stare unconsciously at the wall of my room before i get to process what i just heard. 

"hey there, sleepyhead." 

and yet here i am, standing in front of him. both of us in a room where we are about to discuss the designs and how the cake will look like. i could've simply rejected him. i could've done it quick. 

but money was always tempting. 

"whoa, we're discussing it already?" he whined when he noticed me making my way towards the table. i placed my notepad and twirled my pen as i glanced at him. 

"that's exactly what i came for." 

he huffed and pouted before sitting at the other chair. "could've at least greeted me." 

i ignored his few whines and waited until he finally focused on his phone. he needed to get a few information and permission from, well, his fiancée. 

my mind still couldn't process the moments that happened these past few days. i was perfectly fine working at the cafe, and he just so happens to come interfere in my life again. only to announce his wedding and hire me as a cake designer. 

it was odd. i'm not a professional, but neither does he care about it. his only reason is because he kept on getting into arguments with the professional ones. 

as if we haven't argued for the past few coincidental meetups. 

i stared at the man in front of me. his attention was all averted on his phone, so i took this opportunity to remind myself that this was the same boy i met at the beach. the same boy who i kept on racing and arguing with. and the same boy who built a sandcastle with me. 

he's getting married. let that sink in. 

"okay, i got permission." he chuckled, setting his phone down on the table as i quickly looked away. 

i cleared my throat awkwardly as i clicked on my pen. "have you decided?" 

he nodded eagerly. he looked excited. he looked happy. 

"i've had this design set in my mind already. it's just that i need permission from my fiancée." he chuckled sweetly while rubbing the back of his neck. "i was worried that she might kill me about the design." 

"why would she?" i bit my bottom lip, trying to busy myself by twirling the pen and glancing at the view outside. 

he fell silent for a few seconds. "i just didn't like the idea of the usual wedding cake design. it's too plain and boring, pleh." 

he faked gagging and dramatically whined. i shook my head and sighed, scribbling on my notepad as i waited for him to continue. 

"tell me what the cake looks like." 

i tried changing the subject, giving him a glance as he hesitantly looked away and bit his lip. i furrowed my brows at his actions. i expected his usual boastful and proud words to be thrown at me. i guess not. 

he suddenly murmured something. 

"what?" i leaned closer to hear the word clearly. 

he kept on murmuring it or trying to cover it up with a fake cough. i got tired of leaning in and decided to just lean back on my seat instead. 

"i can't hear you, mister." i huffed while crossing my arms. 

he sighed and pushed back his hair. "sandcastle." 

my eyes grew wide as i almost dropped my pen. i was observing his expression carefully, looking for a sign of laughter or a joke. but he was dead serious. 

"s-sorry, what?" 

"a sandcastle. i want the wedding cake to look like that." he shyly looked away with a hint of red forming on his cheeks and behind his ears. 

"i know it's weird but—" 

"is it special for the two of you?" i cut him off with a small smile. 

he pursed his lips and looked down, smiling shyly once again. "specifically for me, it is." 

i felt my heart pounding and cracking at the same time. i have no reason to feel guilty and neither does he. he doesn't know me. he doesn't remember me. so i have no right to say such things when we both know that the past is nothing but mere foolishness. 

"it reminds me of how i met someone at the beach." 

we were just teenagers. 

"it was the first time i was interested in knowing what love really is. i can only remember how we met, and i can still recall how happy we must have been." 

we know nothing. 

"it was short and quick. almost like it was meant to stay like that. back then, we built sandcastles together and as far as i can remember, we didn't get to finish the last one together." 

i pursed my lips and hung my head low, avoiding his gaze that fell upon me. i shouldn't feel any regret or guilt. i shouldn't. we know nothing. 

"so, we'll finish it." 

my eyes grew wide as i stared back at him. he could only give me a gentle and soft smile. 

"i want to let go of all the feelings and attachments i've had in the past. i want the sandcastle to be the last one to witness that before i start a new life with my first love." 

"i want to let go of it all." 

but i do have the right. i have enough reason to feel guilt and regret, because i never allowed myself to move forward. i never gave a chance to let go of the past and instead let it drag along behind me. 

so i smiled softly. 

"do you remember them?" 

this is my way of letting go. 

"do you remember the person you met on the beach?" 

his smile grew wide until it was clear enough to be seen as a genuine one. 

"i don't." 

and we both knew, it was better this way.