mátame

ACT TWO, SCENE FOUR

( enter HECTOR & DULCINEA )

in the yard, a kind bee rests in the petals of a flower, the sun is setting but the air is still warm. a man sitting on a bench stares at his half consumed cigarette without being able to understand how life has gone by so fast, so foolishly. he counts his regrets with his fingers and realises he doesn't have enough to count them all. his daughter steps outside and sits besides him; her crimson cheeks speak of rage but her eyes are full of sadness.

HECTOR are you here to insult me again? your brother beat you by a minute.

DULCINEA i know, what did he say to you?

HECTOR ―― nothing that wasn't true.

DULCINEA about what?

HECTOR about the divorce being my fault, about you, and well ―― we both know you hate me. it's old news.

( DULCINEA sighs and observes the flowers )

DULCINEA i don't blame you for the divorce. in fact, when you two told me you were getting divorced i felt ―― relief.

HECTOR relief?

DULCINEA i was homeschooled, remember? ―― i saw you two fight every week, every day. the house was full of screams and insults and it was horrible ―― i remember all your fights.

HECTOR ―― i'm sorry.

DULCINEA it's not your fault.

( HECTOR throws his cigarette and steps on it )

HECTOR why do you hate me then?

DULCINEA ―― i don't hate you.

HECTOR your actions say otherwise.

DULCINEA it isn't my fault you never taught me how to be kind.

HECTOR ―― you are kind.

DULCINEA i'm only kind to the bees, and all they do is buzz. ―― i'm sure if they could talk to me i would offend them more than once.

HECTOR well ―― yes, that's very likely. your mother was like that too.

DULCINEA mother was both villain and victim, wasn't she?

HECTOR ―― what do you mean?

DULCINEA she was murdered, hence the victim.

HECTOR ―― and how is she a villain?

DULCINEA i feel like i'm in a haunted house full of ghosts ――except there are no ghosts ―― it's just me, haunting myself. haunting my own house.

HECTOR i don't understand.

DULCINEA i want to cry.

HECTOR dulce ――

DULCINEA i want to cry all the time ―― and ―― and i can't. she made me feel ashamed of crying and now i'm drowning in all these unshed tears inside me and i can't ―― i'm drowning. i can't breathe.

HECTOR ―― dulce? dulcinea. shh ―― look at me, breathe. just breathe. shh, don't think about anything ―― just breathe.

( HECTOR embraces DULCINEA and she buries her face in his chest )

DULCINEA i ―― i hate mother.

HECTOR dulce ――

DULCINEA why did she made me like this? i always want to cry. mother built me but she built me all wrong, chose the wrong pieces and sew them all together ―― where is my heart? why did she took it and left me hollow?

HECTOR shh ―― you heart is right here.

DULCINEA where? i can't see it.

HECTOR that's because you aren't meant to see it ―― it's better this way. the best things in life are seen with your eyes shut. close your eyes.

DULCINEA alright.

HECTOR ―― can you hear it beat? pum――pum, pum――pum, like the tempo of an abstract melody.

DULCINEA why does it do that thing?

HECTOR there isn't a reason for it. the bees buzz, and the heart beats.

DULCINEA the bees dance ―― i see no dancing here.

HECTOR you're living ―― life is nothing but a nostalgic waltz.

DULCINEA that's nice.

HECTOR are you feeling better? ――

( HECTOR lets her go )

DULCINEA ―― no me sueltes.

HECTOR what's wrong?

DULCINEA nothing, nothing ―― just stay here with me, while the heart beats and the bees sing.

HECTOR anything you need.

( HECTOR tightly embraces DULCINEA )

DULCINEA i don't think of you as my father ―― i'm sorry, i can't ―― you never wanted to be a father. and even as a child, as much as that i could understand.

HECTOR i'm so ――

DULCINEA but you're a man, you are allowed to not be a father. unlike mother. woman's are meant to be mother's ―― it's written on the book.

HECTOR what book?

DULCINEA every book. ―― mother has never been allowed to be anything but mother. if someone read this story, on another day, in another time ―― they wouldn't even know mother's name. but they would know yours.

HECTOR ―― why?

DULCINEA because i gave it to you, you're hector to me ――you're hector, not father―― that allows you to exist outside fatherhood. isn't that a mercy?

HECTOR it felt like a punishment to me.

DULCINEA i didn't mean to ―― despite it all, you're still family to me.

HECTOR ―― am i?

DULCINEA you are. you're not my father but you're family in the most general sense of the word.

HECTOR which is ―― ?

DULCINEA i'm here, aren't i? i'm with you in this yard. i come here every time i don't see you around ―― even when i know here is where won't find you. i talk to you about the things that haunt me, things i haven't told a soul. i couldn't tell them if i called you father, that's the cost. ―― but i come here, and i call you out when you smoke, and insult you when the things you do are wrong, and i pretend nothing you ever did was able to hurt me, they did. but i stay here, with you. and you stay here with me. that's family.

HECTOR thank you.

DULCINEA it's the truth. ―― i hear noise from inside the house, we should get in.

( DULCINEA lets HECTOR go )

HECTOR do you ―― can you stay with me a little longer?

DULCINEA anything you need, hector.