Pride and Prejudice and Superheroes

5. MR BENNET'S DELIGHTFUL SUBTERFUGE

MR BENNET TO the last had always assured his wife that he would not visit Bingley; and until the evening after the visit was paid, she had no knowledge of it. There they all were in the main living room, Mr and Mrs Bennet and their five daughters. And so, Mr Bennet disclosed his morning visit in the following manner ...

Observing his second and favourite daughter, Elizabeth, employed in trimming a hat, he suddenly addressed her.

"That's a super hat you are trimming, I hope Mr Bingley will like it, Lizzy." Mr Bennet over-emphasised the word "super" as his newfound knowledge that his second daughter was even more special than he had previously thought compelled him to do so. He also suspected that she did not know the extent of her powers. For she had never mentioned them, and she knew nothing of any others that had them. She only knew she was different from normal folk and that the description for this was a superhero—even if such a person was a female. He suspected that it was in her to seek out, whether consciously or subconsciously, others like herself.

"We are not in a way to know what Mr Bingley likes," said Mrs Bennet resentfully, "since society would not expect ladies to visit a gentleman who is a stranger to them."

"But you forget, Mamma," said Elizabeth, "that we shall meet him at the assemblies, and that Mrs Long has promised to introduce him."

"I do not believe Mrs Long will do any such thing," continued Mrs Bennet. "She has two nieces of her own. She is a selfish, hypocritical woman, and my opinion of her is so low that a snake's belly from the ground is higher. In the war of marriage, she is the Field Marshal of an army of hollow soldiers."

"My opinion of Mrs Long is even lower, so much so that it has lost all existence," said Mr Bennet. "Consequently, I am glad to find that you do not depend on her serving you."

Mrs Bennet believed it was beneath her dignity to make any sort of direct reply. So, unable to contain herself, she took solace in scolding one of her daughters.

"Don't keep coughing so, Kitty, for heaven's sake! Have a little compassion on my nerves. You'll tear them to pieces."

"Kitty has no discretion in her coughs," said her father, casting Kitty a scolding look. "She times them ill."

"I do not cough for my own amusement, Papa," replied Kitty fretfully. She turned her attention to her sister Elizabeth, and said, "When is your next ball to be, Lizzy?"

"Tomorrow fortnight."

"Aye, so it is," cried her mother, "and Mrs Long does not come back until the day before. So, it will be impossible for her to introduce Mr Bingley to the ball, for she will not know him herself."

"Then, my dear, you may have the advantage of your Mrs Long, and introduce Mr Bingley to her," said Mr Bennet slyly.

"Impossible, Mr Bennet, impossible, when I am not acquainted with him myself. How can you be so teasing?"

"I honour your circumspection," answered Mr Bennet. "A fortnight's acquaintance is certainly very little. One cannot know what a man really is by the end of a fortnight. But if we do not venture, somebody else will. After all, Mrs Long and her nieces must stand their chance. And, therefore, as she will think it an act of kindness, I will say this: if you decline the office, I will take it on myself."

The girls stared at their father. Mrs Bennet said only, "Nonsense, nonsense! Slumity, slum!"

"What can be the meaning of those emphatic exclamations, one following fast on the heels of the other?" cried Mr Bennet. "Do you consider the forms of introduction, and the stress that is laid on them, as nonsense? I cannot quite agree with you there. What say you, Mary? For you are a young lady of deep reflection. I know how you love to read great books, and make extracts."