The Believer. (Book 2.)

What have you done?

Children's laughter can be heard. Dogs can be heard barking. And a slow beat of a drum is distant. I look down and I am in a field with a white dress on.

I look around and there is a vast amount of field, with a single lonely tree in the middle of it all. I look around with confusion as to where to children's laughter is coming from, when I see them a boy and a girl playing by the tree. Curiosity gets the better of me and I walk over to them. They turn to look at me and run towards me.

"Mommy!" They both shout, wrapping their hands around my waist. 

"Sebastian! Daneighre! " I crouch down to their level. "Have you been playing Nicely for your aunt Lorraine and uncle Ed?" I ask, as if I knew what was going on without actually knowing. 

"They have." Came a soft voice. I look up to see the smiling face of both my aunt and uncle 

I drop to my knees seeing the two of them together again, after so long. Both of them look in their prime and happy together as they once, always were.

"My darling girl, look at you." My aunt smiles. 

"You look so beautiful my dear." My uncle says.

"How? I mean, I...I'm dead right?" I ask. 

"Not quite. You're close to crossing over though and we are here to stop that from happening." Ed says. 

"I can't go back. Not after what I did. I couldn't live with myself knowing I did that to Zak." 

"He's such a lovely man. He won't hold it against you. He won't blame you. Look." Lorraine says. I turn around and I'm suddenly in the hospital room, looking down upon my own body and Zak non stop crying into it. 

"What about Sebastian and Daneighre? Will they be with me?" I ask. 

"They will be safe with us until the time is right for them to return to you. " Lorraine says. 

"WHAT!" I scowl. Ed points to my body. Which begins to bleed from the vagina area and I begin to convulse.

"Tige?" Zak begins to panic and calls for the doctor. 

"I don't want to go back if my kids can't come with me." I cry. 

"That's not your decision to make TigerLilly. Zak isn't ready to be a Father yet and you're not ready to be a mother. You have challenges to face first. Once you've overcome these, then they will be returned to you. I promise." Lorraine says. Just then Sebastian and Daneighre come into the room. My body stops convulsing and the monitor beeps, the doctors stop rushing around and focus on the blood leaving my vagina. 

"It's time to go Mom." Sebastian says. 

"Daddy needs you." Daneighre says. "He looks so sad without you. I don't like it when Daddy is sad." She continues. 

"Don't worry Mom. We'll be safe with Aunt Lorrain and Uncle Ed till you and Dad are ready for us. We will see you soon." Just as Sebastian finishes his sentence, both children come to kiss my cheeks and there is a foggy glow of light. 

Suddenly, I feel my throat clogged up and I struggle to breath. 

"TigerLilly!" The doctor says. He takes the breathing tube out from my throat and I hurl over the edge of the bed.

"Baby!" Zak bellows. He throws his arms around me and I hold on to him tightly. 

"I'm so sorry." We both say at the same time. Zak sighs into the embrace and refuses to let me go. I tell Zak of my experience with my aunt and uncle, along with the two children. And he cries. 

"I'm sorry Zak. I was so fucking stupid to do what I did. If you hadn't have saved me I..." Zak shushes me and pulls my lips in to meet his frantically. 

"Please,, don't no more words. You're here. With me. That's all that matters." He pants. We just hold each other for a  moment not saying anything. Not really knowing what to say. 

When the doctor comes back into the room, Zak and I are already prepared for the worst. 

"Mr and Mrs. Bagans?" Gosh that's going to take some time to get used to. He shuts the door and we lower our heads. "Your brain scans come back all clear, but it was blunt force trauma that has unfortunately killed your twins. If sorry Mrs. Bagans. But you have miscarried your babies." the doctor explains. 

"Mrs. Bagans, help is available for you if you need it. There is going to be a mental health assessment for you in a few days time after that you can go." The Doctor explains.

He leaves us to be alone in the tragic moment together. When Zak looks at me. 

"This isn't your fault baby. If it's anyone's fault it's mine." Zak says. Zak lowers his head. 

"NO! Don't say that! I was the fucking stupid one for doing it in the first place." 

"You wouldn't have done it if I didn't walk out. I should have never reacted the way I did. What Kind of a man walks out on his wife telling him that she's pregnant?..." 

"Zak..."

"...No! I was cowardice and weak for walking out on you. I should have told you that, yeah ok maybe I wasn't ready to have our babies but that didn't mean I didn't want them. I would have stepped up to the plate and been the best dad I could have been. And because I didn't tell you our babies are dead." Zak cries. I wanted to argue but it seams that he has pretty much made up his mind. He let's go of my hand and places his hand on my now tomb. "I've failed you TigerLilly." He says angrily. He then rest his head down on my hip and I place my hands on his head. 

"No you haven't." I say tearfully and sleepily, stroking my hand through his hair. I look up to the ceiling and Zak closes his eyes as a tear trickles down his nose.