I'm Struggling and I Know That

Three

Middle school. Every book I read and older kid i talked to said they'd be the worst three years of my life. And honestly, they weren't too far off.

Entering sixth grade, I didn't have a lot of friends. My friend group from fifth grade had separated and I didn't know anyone. Having anxiety also hindered my ability to really talk to people and know the proper social cues.

Pretty soon though, I met a girl named Gracie in my English class and we became fast friends. We went to her house all the time and did homework and baked cupcakes. Gracie had started a cupcake business and sold to the other students, but we'd often make our own for fun too.

Gracie quickly became my only friend at school though and I struggled to stay close to her. We hung out less and less and while she made lots of other friends at school, I didn't.

I also struggled with my classes. I struggled a lot with focusing because of my ADHD, and so often when my teacher was talking I'd doodle and draw to keep myself focused. My teachers would get frustrated with me though and would tell my parents I didn't pay attention. I did have good grades though, so honestly I don't know why it really mattered.

By the time 8th grade had started Gracie and I had completely stopped being friends. I don't really even know what happened. I went to sit with her on the first day at school and she just looked at me like I had the wrong person. I never talked to her again.

I did make some other friends though. I became close with a girl named Fatima. We were both into Twenty One Pilots, Fall Out Boy, and Panic at the Disco. Fatima loved to draw and would teach me about anime and how to draw it properly. She'd often make drawings for me. She was also the one who got me to fall in love with Hamilton! We played all the songs together and sang to each other. We'd suffer through gym class together and vent to each other. She was a good friend and I was lucky to have her.

Fatima and I were also close with a girl named Cecilia. We often all sat together and talked during class. When high school began we were still very close. I was happy to start high school with a few good friends. High school was definitely different though. Especially when my mental illness hit an all time low.