Catalyst

Chapter 11: Undeserving

Zuko stared into the fire, its heat sinking pleasantly into his bones. It surprised him that despite being closer to the sun, flying high on the air bison made him so cold.

He heard Sokka nearby, the sound of crunching leaves accompanying him as he paced in the darkness. Appa lowed softly behind Zuko.

Who are you and what do you want? Who are you?...And what do you want? The words played over and over again in his head.

His fingers caught on small tangles as he ran his hand through his hair. The small tinges of pain were welcome distractions. Then his fingers brushed up against the edge of the Scar. His chest tightened as it always did when he felt his Father's reminder for him.

The sound of leaves crunching had stopped. He looked to his left towards the woods Katara and Toph had disappeared into, and then to his right to see the faint silhouette of Sokka on his knees looking upward. Zuko tried to follow his gaze but the trees blocked his view.

What did they want? Who were they to act as they had? A Water Tribe brother and sister, a blind earthbender, and a 112-year-old kid who just happened to be the last airbender and the Avatar. And they had rescued him—him!—the sixteen-year-old Crown Prince who had attacked them countless times and who, after the incident earlier, was probably crazier than Azula.

He thought back to earlier that day. He dreamt he had been back in his cell, with the Avatar this time. Except it was Avatar Roku who stood before him, leather strap in hand. With a snap, the strap shifted into a ball of fire. Then the Avatar's face turned into his grandfather's, then his father's, then his own twisted face grinned wildly, long fangs extending far past his chin. The thing that stood before him had bent down to hold the handful of flames close to Zuko's chest. He woke up just before they began to burn him. When he opened his eyes, nothing was familiar and every shifting shadow was an enemy about to attack.

Then the Avatar's voice had drawn his attention. The enemy. His enemy.

He had waited for the Avatar's attack but none came. Instead, the boy had tried to comfort him for some reason—and it wasn't because he was a vegetarian. The answer was clear—obvious even: They were going to use him. How, he didn't know, but whatever it was, they were going to use him against the Fire Lord. Do I care if they did? –Yes, of course I do! It's one thing to disobey orders and hide from the Fire Lord, but it's another to overthrow him or even just to help overthrow him.

Opposing thoughts clawed at his mind. Images of the blood moon and Father's smile and—He tried to cut them off but others came through: Who are you and what do you want? Who are you and—

He looked around. The flying lemur glided down from the treetops to land on one of Appa's horns, his eyes glowing like two bright lanterns in the darkness.

Grunting as he stood, Zuko went to Appa and to the bags that had been left unpacked by Katara. He took a couple of bananas and the small blanket he had lain on when they were on the beach. He looked to the woods again for Katara, and to Sokka, who was still kneeling.

He sighed and took only a couple of steps before he heard footsteps behind him. "Zuko?" Sokka asked, but his voice was thick like he had been upset. "Zuko, what are you doing?"

"Leaving. You're right. You don't have any reason to trust me." I don't even trust myself. "I'm going to go. I won't make any trouble for you or the Avatar now." He turned and started walking away.

He took another couple of steps before Sokka asked, "What are you going to do then?"

He didn't turn. "I don't know."