Catalyst

Chapter 18: Doubts

After that, conversation went smoother. Zuko let Katara recount their experience making his teapot and cups, and Toph interjected with hyperbolic descriptions of how awful their first iterations were, which Zuko thought were completely unnecessary.

When things died down a bit, Aang gave a big yawn and announced he was heading to bed on his "sleeping rock" up the beach. He'd discovered it while he was supposed to being helping unpack Appa. It was down the beach a little but still well within view from camp which was the only thing that seemed to placate Katara when Aang asked to go.

Sokka rolled his eyes and called him a wimp for getting tired but, soon after, citing an early morning wakeup, he got up to go to his tent for bed as well.

He needs to know, though—he needs to know what to expect. Zuko stood. "Can I talk to you?" Aware Katara was present, he added, "Er, privately?"

Katara looked a little affronted. "Why?"

Sokka met his eyes. His expression was hard to read with the flickering shadows cast by the fire. "It's okay, Katara." He nodded to Zuko and they went to his tent.

Firelight bled through the fabric, setting everything in a dim glow when the tent flap closed. Both of them had to stoop a little with the low ceiling, but there was enough room for them to stand and talk. "What's going on?" Sokka asked, keeping his voice low.

How could he say this delicately? "I want to prepare you. For tomorrow."

He paused. "What do you mean?"

"I was right about the blockade, right? In the waterway?"

"Yes..."

"Well, I think you'll have the same issue even when you go farther offshore. There's trade routes and shipping vessels that the Fire Navy patrols. And, I'm sorry...I don't see a Water Tribe ship making its way past them unnoticed."

Sokka looked down. "I know."

"What?"

He cleared his throat before answering, his voice glum, "I saw the Fire Nation ships, all of them, on our way back. Aang was dozing and I thought I could go a little farther offshore and check—you know, so we could cover more ground. I saw them. There wasn't a time when I didn't see at least one Fire Nation ship within sight."

"So why go back if you know what's out there?"

"I'm not giving up on Dad. He would never give up on us."

"Aang may be right. Maybe he left before we came—"

"He would never do that," Sokka repeated a little louder, daring Zuko to disagree with him. "He'd wait for us."

Zuko nodded. "Okay. But if you're right, you have to consider he might be—"

"I know." Sokka angrily wiped away a shimmering tear that had appeared on his cheek. "She just can't—we can't go through that again. But Katara's already thinking it—you saw how she was. I'm supposed to be the strong one here. I'm the leader. I can't give up. And I can't show that I have any doubts—that I'm..."

"What?"

The boy closed his eyes and shook his head, wiping away another tear with the back of his hand. He whispered so quietly, Zuko could have easily imagined it had he not watched his mouth move: "Scared."

Zuko took a half step back. Should he leave? He decided to stay where he was, but he wasn't sure what else he should do. Sokka still had his eyes closed and was tugging at loose strands of hair that had come loose from his Water Tribe topknot.