Stolen Letter

Chapter 24: Anger and Guilt

Severus's POV

I walked into the Hospital Wing with the Malfoys, seeing the other professors standing near Y/n's bed, along with Remus and Sirius. I saw Poppy leaning over Y/n, checking her pulse and her forehead.

"Oh Merlin... Y/n," I whispered as I made my way over to her bed.

"Poppy said she will need to rest. I'm glad you brought the Malfoys. She will want to see them if she-..." Minnie quickly stopped herself before saying "... when she wakes." It was a slight error that she quickly fixed, but I caught her hesitation. She didn't know if Y/n would wake. This possibility made me sick to my stomach. My breath caught in my throat as I thought about what the rest of my life would be like if she wasn't in it. I imagined all the things I loved about her: the way her hands would reach for mine under the table during meals, the smell of her coffee in the morning, always making sure she saved me a cup, the way she always defended me when Sirius spoke ill about me, the way she always made me feel included during Order meetings... I couldn't bear the thought of my life without her. Narcissa and Lucius walked toward me, Narcissa placing a hand on my arm, trying to pull me from my racing thoughts. She always seemed to know when my mind was racing and always knew just how to pull me out of it. Her, Minerva, and Y/n were so similar in that aspect. I suppose it makes sense, considering Narcissa and Minerva practically raised her. The three were so caring and always knew the right things to say and do. I felt the tears well up in my eyes as the thoughts came rushing back. How would I be able to look at Narcissa and Minerva everyday? How would I be able to face them, knowing I wasn't there when Y/n needed me? How would I be able to look at the two women who were so similar to Y/n if she doesn't make it... the two women who were practically like mothers to both me and Y/n... Narcissa squeezed my arm and began to speak.

"Has she been conscious at all?"

"Not yet. We don't know when she will wake," Albus replied, looking down at Y/n.

"But she will wake... right?" I asked, finally asking what we were all thinking.

"We hope so... but right now, all we can do is wait," Minerva said, tears in her eyes as she looked at Y/n.

"How did this happen?" Sirius asked, anger lacing his voice as he looked toward me.

"Sirius, don't-" Remus began, before Sirius interrupted him.

"No, Remus! I want to know how... in a school filled with adults... was she able to do this?! Where was her husband?" Sirius yells, spitting the word husband, as if the thought of it disgusted him.

"She- she said she was coming. She was running late this morning and told me she would meet me there. I didn't... I- I didn't know she was going to do that," I said as I felt the tears slip from my eyes. I thought back to this morning. She seemed normal... nothing was out of the ordinary. We were discussing our classes for the day and she told me she would meet me at breakfast. I remember her sitting at her vanity, doing her makeup and telling me it was taking a little longer than normal and she would just meet me there. Why didn't I stay and wait for her? I asked myself as I felt the guilt rising. Minerva walked over to me and pulled me into a hug.

"This isn't your fault, Severus. No one can predict these types of things. When something like this happens, we always want to blame someone but this is no one's fault!"

"I shouldn't have left her... I-" I trailed off as my sobs became harder to hold in. I pull away from Minerva, feeling too guilty to allow her to comfort me. I didn't deserve it.

"Y/n wouldn't want you blaming yourself, Severus. We need to be strong for her. If we start fighting amongst each other, we won't be able to help her through this. She needs us to be strong for her... and she needs us to get along." She glares at Sirius as she says the last part.

I wrapped my cloak around my body, remembering how Y/n always loved my cloak around her. Somehow, this one still smelled like her perfume from when she borrowed it last night. I breathed in the smell of her perfume and moved to sit at the edge of her bed. She looked so peaceful. I wanted to believe she was just sleeping, but the reality of the situation was much darker... she may not wake up. I pushed her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead.

"Please wake up, love. We need you... I need you," I whispered to her, hoping she could hear me.