I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT...

CHAPTER 6

AMANDA

"So how are you, really?"

Myra forks a black chunk of chicken and piles it on my plate. She isn't a good cook, but she's the best friend ever. It's proof of how much she cares about me that she turned up two hours ago, packed an overnight bag for me, and practically forced me to get out of my pajamas and into her car, telling me grimly, "There's no way I'm leaving you alone in that house tonight. You're staying with me. And that's final."

"I'm angry. I'm just so angry. I want to --- to --- hurt him. And her. I keep thinking of ways to hurt him. Murder him. And her."

"I can't believe that he cheated on you with Iris Cartwright. I know who she is. She's in my mum's Botany Club. Those older women hang out to talk about plants and gardens." Myra narrows her eyes. "I've seen her. I pick up my mum sometimes, and she's there. She wears these figure-hugging dresses and low-cut tops. She's got really huge breasts --- that's the first thing you notice about her. But, Jesus, she's old --- she must be my mum's age --- "

"She's in her forties."

"I don't get it. Men cheat with younger women all the time, but to take up with her when he's got you? He's insane --- I mean, you're beautiful --- and young." She shakes her head. "Maybe, Colin has mummy issues."

"It's probably her chest."

Myra snorts.

"Those breasts are fake. My mum says Iris's appearance has changed so much she can't even recognise her anymore. My mum and her started that Botany Club --- easily ten years ago --- and my mum says Iris has got so much work done she doesn't even look like herself anymore. And her face is so shiny and smooth it's unreal. All plasticky and stretched. I'll never understand it. Colin and her. It's just so bizarre. I can't wrap my head around it." She stabs her salad viciously. "Mark my words, he's going to regret it. He's going to regret he cheated on you with that grandmama."

"Grandmama?" I laugh. "Come on, she's not that old."

"She," she jabs her fork into the salad, "is old enough to be your mother. And if Colin doesn't realise it now, he's going to see it soon when menopause rolls in --- that's what, next month? A year from now?" She chuckles. "She'll be getting hot flushes alright --- just not from the hot sex."

Myra's words immediately conjure up an image of Colin and her having sex.

A tight, angry ache pulses in my chest, shooting up my throat and I swallow.

It hurts. Why does it hurt so? I'd thought the fury would numb the pain. But it hurts so much now I can hardly breathe.

My hands blur in front of me.

"Amy? Shit. I'm sorry." Myra stretches out her hand, places it over mine. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I -- it's just -- " My eyes well up with tears. "I'm so stupid...I don't want to cry for that bastard, but --- "

"Oh, Amy, sweetie. You've loved him all your life. You were married to him for four years. You're bound to cry." Her eyes are so warm more tears spill out. "Let it all out. Don't keep it in."

She gets up, and rounds the table to me.

And then she's hugging me to her soft belly, and I'm sobbing, my shoulders shaking, the sadness flowing through my veins.

"He t-took every good m-memory I had of us and t-threw it away f-for her. Everything with him has been a --- a lie, and now t-there's n-nothing left. Nothing. He's d-destroyed it all," I gasp, shuddering sobs racking my body. "How c-could he, Myra? How could he be so c-cruel?"