I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT...

CHAPTER 30

AMANDA

"Is he alive?" I grip the phone tight. "Is he alive?"

"He is, but he's critical. He's in surgery now. He kept calling for you..." my ex mother-in-law sobs over the phone. "Please come, Amanda. Please."

Tristan is stunned when I call him to tell him that I'm rushing to the Leicester General Hospital. He's in Nottingham for a financial convention. I tell him about Colin and Tristan listens in silence. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he says. "It'll be okay. Take care, darling. Text me. Keep me updated, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

..............

I am at the Leicester General Hospital. My parents are here, and so are my ex in-laws. Colin's mother weeps when she sees me, and I hug her. I love her like my mum. She's a gentle, loving woman, and she loves me like her own daughter. Colin's father kisses me on the cheek. "Thank you for coming, Amanda. We've missed you." His eyes are red-rimmed. He looks exhausted. Colin's act of infidelity has messed up so many lives, brought so much pain to so many people. Like his loving, wonderful parents. Everyone is drawn in, no one is spared. It started with a single, simple act of lust, and that first act has spiralled into a terrifying vortex, spinning out of control, rocketing over the edge of the gorge, sailing into the dark, culminating in a vicious, violent act of revenge, and nothing, no one, will ever be the same again. What had Friar Lawrence say to caution the ardent Romeo in Romeo and Juliet?

These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder
Which, as they kiss, consume
The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite
Therefore love moderately
Long love doth so
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow

Colin is in surgery.

I sit waiting at a table in a small room with only a clock and a few posters on the walls with health and advisory warnings I try to read but can't focus on. A man puts his head around the door and says the detective will be with me as soon as possible.

A man enters, and introduces himself as Detective Mills.

"I'd just like to ask you a few questions," he says apologetically. "It'd help us with the case. We thought it might be more comfortable here than in the station. Mr. Clayton is still in surgery, and from what I gather, it's going to be a long night. Do you want a coffee?"

"No. Can we get this over with?"

He asks me questions and I answer him. He asks about Iris and I tell him Colin cheated on me with her.

The clock says it's just after 6 am, but my body can't work out whether that's morning or evening. I lean over the table, pulling my cardigan around me. There is a pain behind my eyes and all my limbs and muscles ache, and my internal organs are heavy; I need to sleep but think sleep will never come again. The door opens a second time. A woman introduces herself, and the word detective is all I can remember. She puts a mug of tea in front of me and a sandwich and tells me to eat something.

"How is Colin?" I ask, and the woman says, "That's just what we were trying to ascertain. I've asked someone to come in and tell us as soon as there's any news."

The detectives sit opposite me and ask more questions, and the man writes things in the notebook.

The woman explains that they need me to write a statement in chronological order about everything I have just told them. I write my statement. The man pushes a form and the pen across the table.