I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT...

CHAPTER 12

AMANDA

I stare at her, standing next to him.

It is the first time I am seeing them together, side by side, since the day he told me he was in love with her, the day my world fell apart.

I stare at the two of them. The man who had sworn to love me forever, and his mistress. I breathe them in. Their deceit. Their lies. Their treachery.

All around me the world begins to fade, dimming like the failing light of winter; everything recedes to dark, until all that is left is an icy, white-hot fury. It pounds in my ears, burns my heart, scorches my veins.

"Colin. And Iris. How lovely to see you. It's been a while." The rage creeps up my throat on tiptoe, smearing itself across my tongue. My teeth bite into it, and I swallow it down, fighting to keep my voice steady. I will not give this adulterous pair of snakes the satisfaction of knowing how much they affect me. That inside me, the hate is coiling tighter and tighter; soon, it will catch like a fuse; soon it will explode.

I stare into her eyes. I am suspended in a thick, black abyss. The shadows mock, converge in a flock, crowd around my head.

Words dart around me like a fish.

--What the fuck are you doing here, Remington? --

-- It's a small world, isn't it? We seem to keep running into each other, Clayton --

-- I see you haven't changed, Iris. You look exactly the same. A leopard cannot change its spots --

-- How the fuck do you know him? --

-- Oh, Iris and I are old friends, aren't we, Iris? I do believe it was seven years, when we last spoke. I wonder, Iris, do you still play games? I remember you thrived on them. Your life revolved around your games --

-- What the fuck is he talking about, Iris? What games? --

The hate shreds itself against my teeth; I feel my facial muscles strain, as I bar my teeth in a false smile.

Her face is drained of colour. Her pupils have gone absurdly wide. Her fingers are plucking nervously at her too-tight gold dress. Her huge breasts heave rapidly, threatening to spill out of that obscenely low, V-shaped neckline.

She looks petrified. As if she has seen a ghost. The sight of Tristan must have rattled her. He has told me everything. Seeing Tristan alone would have been a blow to her massive ego; seeing Tristan with me would be a double assault. It's no wonder that she's looking so ill, beads of perspiration breaking out on her forehead.

"You know, Iris," I say slowly, "I didn't understand it at first, all those stories I heard about you back in Leicester. I thought it was an issue of jealousy."

She's staring at me, frozen. I can see the bob in her throat, as she swallows.

"A few of the women I met mentioned some rumours they'd heard. I mean, you going after men who were taken? Men who were engaged? Married men?" I let out an incredulous laugh that almost sounds genuine. "I thought it was ridiculous. You were married to Ed, and Ed's such a lovely man. And I told them that. I defended you." I sigh. "Turns out I was wrong and they were right...but I have to thank you. I wouldn't have known Colin for the cheating, lying bastard that he is, if not for you."

"Amanda --- " Colin says hoarsely.

I ignore him, staring at her.

"Stories like that..." I wince. "They can kill someone's reputation."

I am lying through my teeth.

There has been no such conversation. But between all my lies, there is a knife of truth.