Dysfunctional [New Girl]

"Sad Girl Margaritas"

Maybe she hadn't been in love with Eddie, but this was the longest relationship Clarke managed to hold on to in a while before things went to shit and it stung all the same as if she had been madly in love with her ex. Still reeling from getting dumped, the woman was only capable of leaving her apartment to show up at her job (with even less enthusiasm than usual). The air inside smelled of pizza pockets and ramen noodles, which were the only meals still available after not going grocery shopping for such a long period of time. Tissues no longer covered the entirety of the coffee table, but that was only because Clarke had brushed them off onto the floor to make room for beer and pints of ice-cream. She was a mess and she knew it. Her friends also knew it because she was avoiding them, which meant that Clarke wanted to wallow in solitude. Everyone had been relatively respectful of the self-imposed isolation - aside from a bathroom emergency when Schmidt and Nick were fighting. However, all good things must come to an end.

"Clarke." There was a soft knock at the door. "Can you come to the store with us?"

It had been a a few hours since the last time she'd peeled herself off of the couch. A plate of nachos had been balanced precariously across her chest while she mindlessly watched TV. The depression told her to say no and to snuggle up under a blanket, but after catching a whiff of herself, Clarke realized that some fresh air and company would do her some good.

"Give me five minutes."

And true to her word, five minutes later Clarke was walking out of her apartment with wet hair thrown up into a sloppy bun. Jess squealed at the sight of her and captured the woman in a bone crushing hug.

"I missed you."

Clarke patted her shoulder, sending Cece a pleading look to pry Jess off of her. "It hasn't even been that long since the last time you saw me."

"Let her breathe, Jess."

Once the bespectacled woman finally relented, the trio were on their way to the store. Upon their arrival, it came to Clarke's attention that 'store' had been a major generalization. This was a lingerie boutique. The walls were covered from floor to ceiling in various ensembles ranging from cute to complicated and a few that looked downright hazardous.

"You needed us to come lingerie shopping with you?" Clarke held up a lacy push-up bra. "What exactly do you need opinions on?"

Jess turned a shade of pink lighter than the bra in held up in her friend's hand. "I want to spice things up with Paul." Seeing Cece's look of confusion, the teacher elaborated. "You don't understand. You've never been cheated on before. Spencer and I never tried anything new and maybe if I'd been more erotic-"

Cece wasn't about to listen to her best friend put herself down like that, "Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk, not because you're bad in bed."

"Amen to that."

Jess didn't share such sentiments, "It's been six years. Everything I know about sex, I learned from Spencer or the Clinton impeachment trials." She whistled and picked up one of the more complex outfits, playing with the strings holding it together.

"No, no whistle. It's terrible."

Clarke nodded, "I'm with Cece. It'll take you an hour just to figure out how to put it on."

Ignoring them, Jess sauntered off with the garment in the direction of the nearest worker. She had intended to try it on, but decided to throw caution to the wind and buy it after learning that she wouldn't try it on because of health code violations. One bad joke, a concerned look, and $65 later - Cece and Clarke were finally set free as Jess went home to get ready for a date.

.......................

"Can someone tell me where you keep-"

She'd been planning on asking for a screwdriver, so she could fix her blender to make frozen margaritas. But, instead of asking her friends about said tool, she found herself at a loss for words. Walking into the apartment Clarke found the occupants of 4D huddled around Schmidt's laptop with its screen displaying a vast amount of porn.