»Distractions | MatsuHana«

»1«

When did these feelings come to life?

I take a quick glance at my best friend's face. He is grinning, fully convinced that he is beating me in the video game we're playing. In reality, I'm just letting him win.

He cheers when the narrator announces his victory, a sound that brings me joy. Not aware of the effects it has on me, he turns to me with a smile. "I told you, I've gotten way better since we last played."

I avert my gaze, pretending to be upset. When was the last time my heart didn't flutter at the sight of his amused expressions? Now, I can't even look at them for longer than a second without exposing myself.

By the time I realized it, it was too late. I had already fallen for him. This adoration came to me so slowly that I didn't notice at all.

For the last few years, I have harboured feelings for Hanamaki. They are nowhere near as soft and controllable as they once were. If anything, it seems like they are still growing each and every day.

Some people compare loving to breathing, because it's supposedly easy and natural. I disagree. It overwhelms me, suffocates me. It forces me to be careful, to consider all of my words and actions. My inner thoughts are suppressed. There's nothing easy or natural about it.

My biggest fear is that he'll find out. Our friendship is strong enough to take it, but Makki isn't. He will feel guilty, like it's his fault that he can't reciprocate my feelings. I don't think we could stay this close if he knew.

And yet, I don't want this to disappear. It's so warm, so sweet and pure, and the highs it gives me are worth the lows. And it's not like I could ever get over him, anyways.

"That was my warmup game," I reply, turning back to the TV. "I'll mess you up next time."

"Bring it on!" With yet another excited grin, he presses the 'rematch' button, picking the same overpowered character. I choose a more neutral one, not really caring about winning or losing. I just want to see him get happy over something that has to do with me.

When did I start being so selfish? Even though I want to keep these emotions hidden, I am taking every opportunity to explore them. I chase the things I know will make my heart race. More than anything, though, I try to keep him all to myself.

An example: we were supposed to meet with Iwaizumi and Oikawa today, but I managed to convince Makki that we should leave them be. Basically, we ditched them, so now they're having a drink somewhere while we're hanging at my place. I'm glad we're inside. I'm afraid other people might start liking him when they see his smile.

It's a blessing that our two friends have a crush on each other, and they suck at hiding it. Makki and I have been trying to get them together, mostly to get a laugh out of their reactions, but also because it hurts to watch them mess around. I am mostly thankful, though, because they have given me a lot more opportunities to be alone with my best friend.

It might sound weird; I want to have him to myself, but I want to keep my feelings a secret. Honestly, I'm fine. It's not that difficult. I've been doing this for years. Sure, it's getting harder the deeper I fall for him, but he has been getting used to me acting the way I do. Even if I slip up a little, he'll think I'm joking.

Once again, Makki lets out a victorious cry. My mind has been all over the place, so I wasn't focusing at all. Oh well.

"You have gotten a lot better," I huff, acting like I'm annoyed. To be honest, he's pretty average, but he looks like he's having so much fun. "Let me try again."

"Don't you wanna get some snacks first?" He stretches his arms above his head, pulling up his shirt enough to expose a little bit of his stomach. I allow myself to take it in for a full second, then quickly force my eyes away.

"Sure." I get up while checking my phone. "Damn. Oikawa called me three times."

Makki chuckles. "Really? Do you think they'll be mad at us tomorrow?"

"Probably," I shrug. "They always try so hard to avoid being alone. It's stupid."

"They are stupid. Imagine being that oblivious..." he scoffs. "We could tell them 'hey, that guy likes you' and they would still deny it."

It makes me laugh a bit. "What do you think it'll take for them to get together?"

A playful light dances in his eyes. "We could use Oikawa's ego to our advantage. He loves making Iwaizumi yell at him for the stupid shit he says. What if we make him say something awkward that would make Iwa shut up instead?"

"Such as?" I have no idea where he is going with this.

"There must be a way to trick him into make some weird remark. Something like..." He stands in front of me and stares right into my eyes, trying to imitate our friend's pouting face. "Don't you love me...?"

It takes me by surprise, allowing a slight colour to appear on my face. My heartbeat increases, even though I know he wasn't talking to me. It's pretty hard to lie after being confronted like this. Luckily, I don't have to answer. "Yeah. That will work." There is no way Iwa could say 'no' in a serious tone.

"But how do we get there?" Hanamaki walks off to my kitchen. "Guess we'll have to see how far they've gotten first."

"Do you really expect them to have made any progress?" I follow him, glad that my voice and appearance are calm. I am still a bit shaken on the inside.

He hums. "You're right..." He takes a bag of Doritos out of my pantry, and I get us some glasses and a bottle of soda. "But it's not like they can avoid it forever."

"Don't underestimate them," I chuckle as we walk back.

Before we even arrive at the couch, he starts stuffing his mouth with the chips, devouring them. He always does it, and I always let him. If he enjoys them, he can have them.

While munching away, he takes the controller. "Bet I can beat you with one hand!"

"Don't get carried away now," I reply, adoring his messy and delighted face shortly. "There's no way you will."

The sound of him giggling makes me forget how to breathe for a moment. You really make loving you a full-time job, huh? Oh well. I should be fine as long as I've got distractions.

~Hello there! Thanks for reading through chapter one of this fic!

I devote this book to @Anoixi7 who is one of my most beloved readers. They have been with me for such a long time, and they stay with me no matter how much my words torture them. :P They requested a MatsuHana fluff that is at a pranking war with IwaOi, so that's what I'll do. I hope it will meet your expectations.

Also, huge thanks to sleepskie for letting me use their art as my cover! If you like it (I'm sure you do, I mean, come on. Look at it!), please check them out on instagram (@ sleepskie). I promise it will heal your heart.

Much love to all of you! -J~