The Power Of Love

Memories

24. Memories

Jeremy and I sat in silence just staring at each other, and for the first time since the death of our father, I recognized the soul staring back at me. I saw the innocence that Jeremy was robbed off, and today he wore his pain on his sleeve. I really cared for my brother even though I hardly showed it, I really care for him and I wanted him to be happy because he deserved to be happy.

If I could go back and change anything, I would change my attitude towards my brother. I would be more compassionate about his feelings, I would have been there for him. I would have been the big sister that he deserved, I would have held him when he cried for the loss of our father. I would have encouraged him when everyone else discouraged him.

I would have loved him as a big sister should.

That was my biggest regret.

I was selfish to Jeremy.

''Do you remember what dad used to say when we were sad?'' Jeremy asked

I smiled a genuine smile with teary eyes as I remembered my father's loving charms.

''Yeah, he'd say that being sad causes wrinkles and that our face would end up in a frown for eternity-''

''Do you remember how much that scared us?''

''Yes, we practically walked around with a smile plastered on our face'' I laughed

''Why did your smile change Louise?'' Jeremy asked suddenly and I could tell that he regretted it as soon as it left his lips.

My heart pained, but I bit my lip as I smiled at my brother

''I'm sorry''

''Don't apologise. You're right, my smile changed. I-it was hard Jer, I just. Our father died and I didn't know what do, I guess the pain of losing him was too much, knowing that we'd wake up every morning and he wouldn't be there. Knowing that he'd just be gone, almost like he never existed. But I wanted to be strong for him so I carried on smiling even if it was fake''

''I miss him'' Jeremy whispered

''Me too. I miss him''

''Do you think he's happy?'' Jeremy looked up at me with hopeful eyes

''Yeah, I think he's happy. And I think he's healthy, I don't think he's in pain anymore.'' I said tears streaming down my face

''I hope so. He was in so much pain, I hope he's found rest''

''Me too''

''I'm sorry Louise-all the awful things I said, I am so sorry''

''It's okay''

''No, it's not. I was a jerk, an insensitive jerk. I am so so sorry''

''Thank you'' I said, feeling a heavy burden lifting off my shoulders, and I could finally breathe a breath of relaxation.

''You don't hate me?'' I asked silently

''I thought I did but I don't because all I could think about today was you. And I wanted you to know that I love you, Louise. I want you to know that I want you to get better, and I want you to come home because I need you. Mum needs you''

''Jer-''

''No, let me finish. I know you're sad, I know you're in pain. I know you miss dad, I miss him too. I understand now'' Jeremy looked away

I took this as my opportunity as I got up and walked over to sit next to my little brother. I wasn't the one for affection, but I reached over and took his hands in mine, Jeremy through his tears engulfed me into a hug as he sobbed.